The waiting has been the worst part of the entire process. I have thought of every possible thing that could go wrong. I have thought about crazy shit, like teenage pregnancy and that maybe it's not such a bad idea. I have thought about how fertile drug-addicted prostitutes can be and questioned my career and life choices. I have gone back and forth with my thoughts on asking a woman in prison to carry our baby. This is the most surprising argument that I have had with myself! I have actually rationalized that a woman in prison gets access to health care, in a controlled environment, while getting a well-balanced diet. They are in a disciplined environment that might actually benefit the fetus. Think about this - what would lockdown mean to my child? I bet our child would always go to bed on time! Also, we would never have to send our kid to one of those "Scared Straight" programs. It would also make a great essay topic for future college or reality TV show applications. Just imagine reading an essay titled "I Was Born in Prison." Seriously, this is where my tortured mind wonders off to when left to its own devices.
We are still anxiously waiting to hear from Dr. Patel about whether our surrogate is preggers or not. It has been an excruciatingly long wait. I can't help but torture my mind. One second I am thinking of baby names and the next I am looking at fertilty clinics. It is making me feel bipolar.
We have hatched a Plan B. We would probably go to India again, but next time, we would start our treatment here in the States. It sucks to have to think like this, but it would suck even more to get the bad news and not have anything to move forward to.