As we near the end of our pregnancy I am still grappling with a few issues.
Issue #1- Not having carried our baby. It's something that not many people will be able to relate to unless they have walked a mile in my shoes. The mere fact that I am going to watch another woman experience labor and pain that was meant for me is unsettling. It makes me feel pretty empty--no pun intended. I keep trying to envision the moment when I will be in the delivery room with M, the moment that they will hand over our baby to me, the moment I will let go of M's hand to hold my baby, leaving M alone [insert tears here]. I feel a clash of emotions about this moment. It will be the happiest and saddest moment. Happy for obvious reasons. Sad because this strong woman, who has labored so hard over the course of nine months and has given up so much of her life to help me find joy in mine, will be alone and in pain while I am experiencing what will probably be the most joyous moment in my life [sobbing].
Issue #2- Breastfeeding. Why, why, why do people who are close to me feel the need to recant stories of how great it was to breastfeed or how their kid wouldn't take a bottle after being at their breast. I get it. You're better than me. You got to feel your baby kick and move inside of you. You never had to worry about another woman carrying your child. You never had to worry about your baby's nutrition or how much food you had to bring to a foreign country because you were capable of carrying your child and feeding your child at your breast.
Issue #3-Don't touch my baby! This isn't really an issue for me per se. I'm not letting anyone hold our baby but me or Brett for a long time. Not even my my own mother. I have to make up for the time I lost not carrying my baby, and I don't want our baby to be confused as to who his or her mother is. So to answer peoples' questions -- if you want to help after our baby is born you can leave us alone so we can bond with our baby.