Million Rupee Baby

See ya' later seizures!

2011-05-05T13:07:00.000-07:00

Woo-hoo! Lila is officially seizure free!

Last week we had a repeat EEG to determine if Lila was still experiencing seizure activity. The results came back negative and we are elated beyond belief to close this very scary chapter of our lives!

In other medical announcements; Rodney Randall Sullivan AKA Sully or Dog is also on the mend. He had a double ear infection and an ulcer in his left eye! He was forced to wear the doggie "cone of shame".

Screen- during the reading

she didn't like the electrodes or the crazy turban-no surprise there

what just happened to me?

after a good hair washing-I'm back to my old self

helping dog

"cone of shame"

back to normal

So you turned two over three weeks ago....

2011-04-05T13:31:00.000-07:00

I've been a really bad blogger. Tsk, tsk!

Dear Lila,

You turned two several weeks and I'm just getting my act together to write a post.

We celebrated your second and my thirty-somethingth birthday in Maui. It was a phenomenal family vacation equipped with great food, sun, fun, relaxation and a Tsunami! Wait?! What?! A tsunami? Yes, we were in Maui for the Tsunami and we were even evacuated from our hotel room at the ungodly hour of 2:30 AM. Luckily, you slept thru every single siren and even the evacuation. Bravo Lila! We were moved to a higher floor and had to share a hotel room for a few hours with a family who clearly weren't happy to do so. Talk about awkward.

Birthday Lunch

We had a little party for you out by the pool one evening. We invited all of the kids we had met by the pool and they sang you "Happy Birthday Cha! Cha! Cha!". You loved it so much you spent the rest of our vacation saying "Cha! Cha! Cha!". Too cute.

Birthday Party by the pool

Things I want to remember:

When we ask you how old you are, you wrinkle your nose and say "two" while simultaneously holding up your index finger and thumb
You love playing with your dollhouse. You always make the mommy, daddy and baby "go night, night" in the bathtub. You also love to place the daddy doll on the toilet and say "Dada, poop"
You love to hide things behind the DVD player. I have found crayons, food, socks and puzzle pieces behind there
Coloring is one of your favorite activities. You'll color anything - the wall, curtains, a door and even the couch
You do not like being dirty. If you spill something on yourself, even if it's just on your hand, you immediately need ALL of your clothes off
One of your favorite foods is yogurt. You'll run over to the refrigerator and yell "yo-yo! yo-yo! yo-yo!" several times a day
When we're at the park and you see another kid go down the slide you'll clap your hands and cheer "brabo" (bravo)
You love to boss me and Daddy around by saying things like "mama seat, seat! seat seat!" until I sit down in a chair that was clearly intended for a toddler sized booty. Or when Daddy comes home from work you'll yell at him to take off his socks and shoes "Dada, shoe off! shoe off!" Followed by "esocks off, esocks off!

feeding the fish

running wild on the beach

going out to dinner

learning bad habits from Mommy

I remember when you were a baby, people would always say "savor these moments because they go by so quickly". Truer words have never been spoken. This past year has has been filled with many milestones and fond memories- you took your first steps (4-21-2010), said your first word (hi), and even had your first kiss (7-30-2010). Thank you for all the joy that you continue to bring to our lives. We love you Lila Bunny!

Love Mommy and Daddy

22 1/2 Months

2011-01-26T12:19:00.000-08:00

Dear Lila,

I have no idea where the time has gone. Here is a lil' update to tell you what cute new things you've been doing:

Almost every morning after you wake up, you insist that we put on your "si-yous" (shoes) and "doat' (coat)
You love your baby doll that Santa brought you for Christmas. I often find you hugging her or smelling her feet and saying "eew" The last part always makes me chuckle!
You call anyone under 10 years old a "baby"
You love this one song by Elmo called "The No-No-No". Immediately upon entering the car you start yelling for "No-No-No! Melmo, No-No-No!" You will scream this repeatedly until it comes on
You love bringing us your lotion and having us rub your feet Uhh, can you say Diva?
After you do pee-pee in your diaper, you politely (insert sarcasm here) tell us by smacking your girl parts and demanding we take off all of your clothes. Then you walk around with your nudie-booty jumping on and off your potty until I can wrestle you back into clothes

There are so many new things that you do, say, and try on a daily basis that it would take me forever to list. Thank you again for bringing so much joy and laughter to our lives! We love you Lila Bunny!

xo, Mommy and Daddy

Loving her new Minnie Mouse merch!

Daddy's Birthday in Napa Valley

Christmas morning...Got Milk?

Where my girls at?

Hey, That's mine! NYE 2010

NYE 2010

My FAVORITE picture of all time!!!!

Playing at the beach

Merry Christmas!

2010-12-24T13:37:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas to all of our family and friends in blog-land!

20 Months!

2010-11-15T09:30:00.000-08:00

Dear Lila,

Happy 20 Month Birthday! We've taken a few weekend trips recently (San Francisco, San Diego and Boston). You happen to be very good traveler and you're better behaved on a plane than most adults.

We visited with Izek and his parents in San Francisco. While we were there, we also had the pleasure of meeting two more potential future boyfriends--Kota and Kai. Our trip was brief and fun. The only mishap was losing a Snugly Jeff. Yikes! Thank Goodness we had two! And an additional Thank Goodness for the geniuses at Target who still carried them in their inventory.

Izek and Lila-San Francisco

Admiring Gandi

San Diego was a phenomenal trip! We stayed at a hotel that overlooked Petco Park, where you played until the sun went down. You really loved the San Diego Zoo. I would have to say that the petting zoo was your personal fave. You giggled and squealed with delight everytime you got to touch an animal. You also really loved the Sea Turtles and you tried kissing them through the glass. My favorite memory of that day was the Panda Exhibit. One of the zoo people (I'm too sick and tired to remember what her official title was) was giving a narrative on the Panda's, and Daddy told you that you had to speak quietly. In the loudest and cutest way ever, you looked at him, put your finger over your lip and did SHHH!!!!!! It was so loud and funny!

calling room service

Mammy watch me climb this statue!

Lila and Daddy

kissing turtles

Mommy, Lila and Monkey

I love my new Monkey!

Our Boston trip was quick yet nice. We had a mock Thanksgiving with both of our families and spent most of the weekend with them. You loved Auntie Sue's Turkey and Corn sooo much that you made all of these funny, lip smacking noises while devouring it! You spent a lot of time playing with your older cousins Serena and Emma and you had a playdate at the park with your cousin Madelyn. You also caught a nasty stomach bug while we were there that has been on and off for about a week now. Poor baby!

Emma, Lila and Serena

Happy Halloween

Dada, I like your extensions!

Funny things I want to remember:

You love this one part of our bath routine where we wrap you in your towel, cradle you like a baby and walk to every mirror in the house saying "Look at the brand new baby! Oh my goodness, it's a brand new baby!" You look so smug and happy when we do this!
Your bedtime routine consists of reading a book on the couch, then you turn the lights off, then you give kisses to Dog, me and then to Daddy. You always smile the most when you kiss Dog!
When Dog steals your cookie/ snack cup/ ball/ Snugly Jeff you walk right up to him waving your index finger with all the attitude a 20 Month Old Diva can have and yell "Bad-Doe!"
You love having ice in your water and then shaking your sippy cup to hear it clang
Whenever you see Carl's headshot (we have a very funny one hanging on our refrigerator) you say "Dada" this is hilarious on many levels--mostly because he is petrified of children
On that note, you love looking at pictures of Daddy and saying "Dada"
You keep your hair-clip in about 60% of the time now! HUGE progress
You love dressing up in tu-tu's and other costume-y type things
You say "a beagle-beagle-beagle bee" at random. It doesn't matter if you're happy, sad, mad or excited. Just whenever you feel fit to say it. And, we have NO idea what it means!
Whenever you see a lion or tiger you shout "ROAR!"
When you feed dog his food you say "doe, num-num"
Sometimes you call me "Mammy"
Your favorite song to dance to is Telephone by Lady GaGa featuring Beyonce
You have been making the funniest face ever (featured below)

The Face!

Happy 20 Month Birthday Lila!

Love, Mommy and Daddy!

Parenting

2010-10-21T15:59:00.000-07:00

Parenting doesn't come with an instruction booklet or an online certification program, it's all trial and error. Somedays I feel like it's all error--from start to finish.

Sadly, yesterday was one of those days. Lila swatted at another kid at Gymboree and the Mom acted like I had personally instructed Lila to beat the crap out of her kid. I told her Lila was going through a phase and the Mom was all "Well, she should know better. Clearly she doesn't have any siblings" with a big eye roll and some whispering with her friend. Ouch! I had to walk away because my inner dialogue was screaming "Why don't you and your camel toe go eat a big bag of dicks".

After all that fun, Lila decided she didn't want to eat dinner. Nothing makes me feel like more of a failure than when she doesn't want to eat. I tried feeding her different things at different times with all sorts of fun games and she only wanted a few bites. Epic fail, again. Sigh.

Halloween Cuteness!

Cuteness Alert!

2010-10-17T14:17:00.001-07:00

17 Months

2010-08-16T11:57:00.000-07:00

Dear Lila,

Oh snap, You're 17 months old!!! It's funny, when you were a teeny-weeny baby I always wondered what it would be like when you a toddler. It's good, it's great and sometimes it's...uhhmm...frustrating. I completely understand your frustration--you want something that is out of reach, you can't verbalize it -so you stomp, scream and then go boneless when I try to help. You're just trying to be independent and as a Mommy I need to do a better job at remembering that.

Santa Monica Beach

For the love of books! You love flipping through books and pointing at things saying "dat (that)." Your favorite book is Go, Dog. Go! by P.D. Eastman. I read this book to you at least 20 times a day. No kidding! It is so funny, you love this one sequence in the story where two dogs meet each other and say:

dog #1 "hello again"
dog #2 "hello"
dog #1 "do you like my hat?"
dog #2 "I do not"
dog #1 "good-bye again"
dog #2 "good-bye"

You open the book and point to this particular passage all the time! I'm not sure why this resonates with you. But I'm quite happy that you love books!

Your First Kiss! Pierre kissed you and it must have made your heart melt because you chased him all night long and kept kissing him. Poor Bruce, you guys are either going to have to break up or enter an open relationship.

your first kiss 7-30-2010

Climbing...You climb on the sofa, the ottoman. onto our bed and you actually climbed out, yes OUT of your crib!!!! Holy bad word that can't say anymore! Daddy and I almost had heart failure. You acted like nothing happened, it was ca-razy! So we lowered your crib, and now it looks like a prison cell.

Understanding- You understand most things we say. When we're ready to go out, I'll say "let's go bye-bye" you will immediately sit down and point to your toes for me to put your shoes on. When you're all done in the tub we'll say "Lila, let the water out" and you'll push the drain stopper-thingy. When you want to go out you'll go to the door and say "out! out!" When I say "Lila let's do gorgeous" you will grab the hairbrush. Here's a funny story that I want to remember. We were on a walk a few weeks ago and you kept saying "dat? dat? dat? dat? dat? and I kept saying "wall, wall, wall wall WALL," Fast forward a week later, we are out in the hall, and all of a sudden, clear as day, you put both hands on the wall and said "WALL." Amazing!

Things you don't like- Sitting in your high chair, getting strapped into your car seat, sitting in your stroller. Basically, you don't like being confined. Some of these we can get around, some we can't. Namely, your car seat.

Things you LOVE- Going for walks and stomping on sewer covers. Going to the park. Putting on your purple jelly shoes. THE BATH-TUB!!!! Closing doors and saying "bye-bye". Pressing the elevator buttons. Sesame Street. BERRIES!!!! Especially Blackberries. Being chased. Putting things in your bellybutton.

struttin' your stuff

Happy 17th month birthday Lila! We love you!

xo, Mommy and Daddy

16 Months + A Heat Wave!

2010-07-15T14:04:00.000-07:00

Dear Lila,

Happy 16th Month Birthday! We just came back from visiting our friends and families in Boston. This was your second trip back "home." We brought you to a few of Mommy and Daddy's most favorite places--Santarpio's Pizza and The Border Cafe. You loved Santarpio's almost as much as us. While we were in Boston, there was a heat wave that rivaled the temps in India. I'm going to quote my mother on this one "Tray, once yous step outside it's like bein' hit with a blow dryahhh in the face." Luckily, Uncle Eddie has a pool and we spent most of our days cooling off there.

just being cute!

We spent 4th of July weekend in New Hampshire for a mini-reunion with all of Daddy's college friends and their babies. There were 12 adults and 6 children (all under the age of 2). You were the only girl! It was like the baby version of the Bachelorette--you had a tub-date with Izek, a boat date with Aiden and Bruce, and a lunch date with Adam and Damon. In the end, Bruce pulled a "risky maneuver" and stole your heart. There are talks of a reunion show this coming February in the Bahamas!

Lila and Daddy, New Hampshire

You were so great on both ends of the flight. You slept, you played peek-a-boo with the people behind us, you said 'Hi!" at least 100 times to every single person who looked at you, and you played with TV screen. Great success!

A few funny moments that I want to remember from this age;
-When dogs barks you will say "dao! woo-woo-woo!"
-You think all birds are ducks
-You sing to yourself
-Your favorite place to hang out is in dog's crate
-You love putting your babies in a their stroller and pushing it around. Then when your done, you pick your babies up by their necks and throw them out of the stroller. So nice!

chillin' in the dog crate

playin' with cousin Maddy at Nanny Janny's

look at me running!

We love you Lila!

xo, Mommy and Daddy!

Cuteness alert!

2010-05-24T15:52:00.000-07:00

A little over 14 months

2010-05-20T14:56:00.000-07:00

Dear Lila,

You're a serious walker! You have gotten so much better at walking with your shoes on. When you first started wearing shoes you walked like you were wearing moon boots. I hate to admit this, but it was really funny! Sometimes you try to run, sometimes you walk in circles, sometimes you walk like a cowboy and sometimes you walk with one finger pointed in the air yelling "a deet, deet, deet, deet, deet!" I'm not sure what it means, but you seem ever so happy when you're doing this.

You showed what may have been empathy for the first time lat week. A younger baby in your Gymboree class was crying and you patted her on the back. It was a heart melting moment for me. Then I was quickly brought back to reality when you stole another kids ball and left him alone and crying.

You love Snugly Jeff. He is by your side at all times. I'm gonna drop a HUGE bomb on you right now.... There are two Snugly Jeffs. GASP! One is Snugly Jeff and the other is Snugly Geoff. They are both equally loved and chewed on. You see, when I originally got Snugly Jeff at the store, a nice woman came up to me and told me I needed to get two . Her advice has come in handy numerous times. i.e. When one is in the wash I have the other, when I accidentally left Jeff in the car I had the other Jeff my bag. Recently we had a huge Snugly Jeff/ Snugly Geoff crisis. On our daily walk you dropped Snugly Jeff/Snugly Geoff in the street. I back tracked to where I thought it had happened but couldn't find him. Tear. The next day on our same walk I found him. Dirty, flattened like a pancake and very sad looking. I took him home and washed him a few times and he's as good as ever. Phew!

Snugly Jeff

Your last visit with the neurologist went really well. You're meeting all of your developmental milestones and she's very happy with how everything is progressing. Currently, you are only on one very low dosage medication without any seizure activity. If things keep going this well, in March of next year we will have repeat EEG to see if there is anymore seizure activity still going on. If that comes back "clean" we will start to wean you off of your medication! YAY!

Thank you Lila for bringing so much joy and humor to our lives!

xo, Mommy and Daddy

I've been a bad blogger

2010-05-06T14:55:00.000-07:00

YIKES! I have been so busy lately that I've barely had time to sit down to record all that has been happening in our lives.

Chitter Chatter: Lila has been talking up a storm. Her first word was hi followed by ball, up, dog, car and go. Car and go apply to pretty much everything. A tree is a car, a book is a car, a phone is a car, pretty much everything that she points at, is a car. When she says hi, she'll wave with her palm facing her face. It's so stinking cute!

How my life is changing: I used to curse up a storm. Now, I'm just trying to watch what I say around Lila. *Note to self, any music that I buy in the future will have to be the "clean" version.

Pitter Patter: Just after Lila turned thirteen months, she started walking. She walks like Frankenstein and grunts the entire time! It's hilarious!

How my life is changing: Just after she turned thirteen months, my anxiety level quadrupled. I can't count the number of times that I have almost had a heart attack because she came "this close" to smashing her head on a hard surface. I want to bubble wrap everything in our apartment.

Copy Cat: This is by far and away the cutest development yet. Lila loves mimicking me when I'm on the phone or brushing my hair. She'll pick up a phone (or sometimes the remote control), hold it up to her ear and talk. When I'm done brushing my hair, she'll take my hair brush and try brushing her hair with it. Too cute!

How my life is changing: This is by far and away the most expensive development yet. Lila ruined my cell phone and I had to get a new one. Silly Mommy for letting her play with it in the first place. I thought that by giving her my old cell phone she would be satisfied, but alas, Mommy is a fool.

Sharing is Caring: When Lila is eating she likes to share her food with us or Dog-Dog. She also likes to take her pacifier out of her mouth and put it in ours. She gets such a kick out of this!

How my life is changing: I have consumed a lot of mushy, half eaten baby food in the last few months. Yummy scrumbos! I have also been a good sport, and walked around Target and the grocery store with a pacifier in my mouth and a giggling baby on my hip.

Random Cuteness: If you ask Lila where her belly button is, she'll lift her shirt! If she sees a picture of a baby in a book, she'll kiss it. If you are sitting in her chair, she'll come over and climb in your lap for a quick cuddle.

How my life is changing: I'm more in love than ever with Ms. Lila James. Everyday there is something new for her to experience and for me to smile about.

Birthday Girl

showing of her pearly whites

raise the roof

our birthday dinner

Family visit from Boston

Lila's new ride

Mommy and Lila in Malibu

Auntie Lauren and Lila

Anniversary Dinner

Dog-Dog and Lila

My lil' french fry

Las Vegas

Daddy and Lila

Happy Birthday M!

2010-03-11T13:29:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday M!

May all of your wishes come true!

Love, Lila

This picture was taken last year at a birthday party that we held for M. This was her first time ever having her own birthday cake!!! She was thrilled that we had a celebration for her and invited her Mom, husband, and three boys.

Almost One/Almost Thirty-Four

2010-03-01T17:34:00.000-08:00

Only twelve more days until someone celebrates her 1st Birthday!!!

I can't wait to celebrate our first of many Birthday's together!

Also, a HUGE Congratulations to Shannon and Geoff on their positive pregnancy!!!

Eleven Months

2010-02-13T11:16:00.000-08:00

Dear Lila,

My little baby is eleven months old! Four weeks from now you will be turning one, graduating from being a baby to (gulp) being a toddler!

Smash, Bang, Boom! These have become very familiar sounds in our house. You love smashing and banging on things with your hands -- the mirror, your highchair, the toilet bowl, the wall. The louder the noise, the happier you are!

Baby Babble You have become a lot more vocal these days. You speak your little gibberish and love blowing bubbles with your drool. We haven't heard any real first words yet (you seem to say this a lot, baba babbba bbbbaaaa), but we're listening and we can't wait to hear them. My bet is on "Randy! No!" as I seem to say this to Dog-Dog (aka Rodney Randall Sully Sullivan) about a trillion times a day. He has too many names to list, and it's all part of the reason he doesn't listen to us.

Hi Lila! You have been waving hi, and it's so frickin' cute! You have a somewhat delayed reaction to it, which just makes it even cuter. You still aren't clapping, but that's because I think you like smashing things instead.

Push and Pull While you still love to cruise the furniture, you recently discovered that if you push your little toy stroller it moves, and so do you! Look out world, we have an emerging walker! Something that you LOVE to do is pull all of your toys and books off your bookshelf. All of them. You seem to have such a blast doing this, but I don't find it to be nearly as amusing as you do -- because I am the one who has to clean up the mess.

Gymboree Class I don't have many friends in LA who have kids (they all live in Boston or NYC), so the only way for us to meet other babies is to join classes or go to the park and stalk other families. You and I started a Gymboree class a few weeks ago. The first class was a disaster, and you ended up crying. I think you were over-stimulated. It was too loud, too bright, and had way too many older kids. In other words, it sucked, BIG TIME. I gave it another try this past week and it was so much better. You warmed up to the teacher and the environment. There were more kids your age, and thank goodness, no tears. My only gripe with this Gymboree class was a kid with his deep chesty cough. I kept you far away from him and his germy ass.

I'm sure the next few weeks will just fly by, and before we know it our little girl will be one. Until then, we want to savor every last second of you being a baby. We love you Lila!

Happy eleventh month birthday!

Love,
Mommy and Daddy

A Little Late

2010-02-02T00:01:00.000-08:00

Dear Lila,

Happy 10 1/2 month birthday! We went to Boston a few weeks ago to visit our families, and to have you baptized. On our flight to Boston you were pretty good -- except during take-off when you had a meltdown. I can't really blame you though. If someone woke me from a peaceful sleep at 5:00AM to leave for the airport and then kept interrupting my sleep with all of their moving about and other shenanigans, I would be pissed too! The rest of the weekend we spent having various get-togethers in your honor with friends and family. Everyone was quite smitten with you, especially your cousin Emma who appointed herself as our little helper for the weekend. It was really cute! On the flight back you were an angel. No seriously, you slept the majority of the flight and never made a peep! The flight attendant even commented that she didn't know that there was a baby on the flight until we landed. (see below update for all of the drama that happened after we landed).

Lila and Cousin Emma

Uncle Eddie, Daddy, Father Harry, Mommy, Lila, Auntie Susan

In other developments, you hate sippy cups and prefer to chew on them with your two teeth. You do, however, love drinking water from a big person glass. Last night I gave you a plastic cup with a teensy bit of water in it. You held it tightly with both hands, brought it to your mouth, and sipped like a big girl. YAY! Then you you spilled the rest all over yourself. You still hate having your diaper changed and continue to flip over and screech whenever a change occurs. This is probably one of the more challenging aspects of parenting for me at this stage. I feel like I have just wrestled a grizzly bear after changing your diaper. The only way that seems to work is changing you while you are standing up.

Your favorite things to eat are cheese, waffles, bananas, and green beans. You love feeding yourself. Dog-dog is really grateful that you are a messy eater and he gets all of the scraps that you throw out of your high-chair. He waits patiently under you chair while you eat. I too am really grateful. I'm grateful that Dog-Dog eats all of your scraps and I rarely need to vacuum under your chair.

Your favorite toys are any toys that play music when you press a button. Is it just me or do all musical baby toys sound like the same crazy person voice? Oddly enough, you also love the toilet bowl. You love flushing it, banging on it like it's a drum while chanting your baby babble and pulling the toilet paper off of the roll.

You're still cruising about mostly with one hand on the furniure and the other holding Snuggly Jeff (your blankie that we named after a Family Guy episode). You're getting closer and closer to making those first steps! Still, the quickest way for you to get to something that you want is crawling, and boy are you fast! Your crawling is approaching mach speed. How can a little person like you crawl so fast?

With that being said, I have to end this post and chase you!

Happy 10 1/2 month Birthday! Sorry it's so late!

xo, Mommy and Daddy
---------------------------------------
As promised here's the drama...

After getting our luggage we headed to the parking garage to drive home. Have I mentioned yet that our flight from Boston to LAX was delayed two hours and that we landed at 1:45 AM? When we got on the shuttle to the parking garage we started looking for our car keys only to find that they weren't in the backpack. Ruh-ro! When we got off the shuttle we thoroughly went through our stuff looking for them, but, alas, the keys were not there. Did you just read that? Take it in, all of it. It's now well after 2:00 AM, we are in a parking garage, it's been raining, we have like six bags, a stroller, a car-seat and a baby, and car without keys! Totally screwed. We got someone at the garage to find us a taxi but it never came. The guy who looked for the taxi was a gem. He told us that he had something like 12 kids and that if he could he would drive us home -- in one of the cars that he valeted. I'm glad that he had some sense of morals not to illegally use one of the cars in the lot. Still no taxi. There are too many obscenities that went through my mind to list at this point. One of the shuttle drivers ended up taking pity on our situation and drove us home in her personal car. We were so relieved to finally get home. But wait! We don't have our house keys either! Mother bleep bleep bleep!!! We ended up having to wake up the super in our building to let us in. He looked like he wanted to murder us. No kidding. You would have thought we did this to him all the time. We dropped off our luggage, got in my car and then headed back to the parking garage with our spare set of keys. We finally made it back home and were in bed at 4:30 AM. Yuck!

Favorite Moments of 2009

2009-12-31T12:17:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year! Wishing everyone love, health, and happiness in 2010!

A look back at 2009, a year that changed our lives for forever!

March 13, 2009 4:44:04 PM Anand, India

March 2009 (Mommy, Daddy, Lila, and Hitesh)

March 2009 (Mommy, Daddy, Lila and Dr. Patel)

March 2009

April 2009

May 2009

June 2009

July 2009

August 2009

September 2009

October 2009

November 2009

December 2009

Nine Months

2009-12-16T00:05:00.000-08:00

Dear Lila,

You are one active little girl! Just recently you started cruising along the furniture. Yay, Lila! You have also been trying to stand unassisted, which usually ends with you standing alone for about a millisecond and then falling on your bum. You think it's really funny when you fall if I yell "BOOM!"

A not-so-great phase has thrust itself upon us -- stranger anxiety. Whoa boy! It started around Thanksgiving when you wouldn't let anyone but us hold you. You will socialize with people as long as they are a comfortable distance away from you and you are in either Mommy or Daddy's arms. Poor Nana Lorraine -- she came all the way from Boston to visit and you cried every time she tried to pick you up. Dr. Weiner said this is just a phase and that it usually lasts about three months.

You had your nine month well baby check-up with Dr. Weiner and a follow-up visit with your neurologist. Both appointments went well. Your development is right on track, and you are doing everything you should be doing. Excellent! The neurologist has recommended that we wean you off of one of your medications. HOORAY! We will see both doctors again in March.

This past weekend we celebrated Daddy's birthday! It was his first birthday as a Dad. It was low-key, fun, and we had a really yummy cake (because you can't eat cake yet, I had an extra piece just for you).

Happy nine-month birthday Lila (I promise to give you cake when it's your real birthday).

Love, Mommy and Daddy

Santa Claus

2009-12-06T23:08:00.000-08:00

A Somewhat Messy Situation

2009-11-16T11:52:00.000-08:00

Why don't they make a diaper that can be put on backwards?

I ask myself this question about a hundred times a day, usually in the middle of a diaper wrestling match with Lila. Sigh.

Eight Months

2009-11-13T12:58:00.000-08:00

Dear Lila,

This past month you started a music class. It's so much fun! We sing along, we dance, you get to touch the instruments, and then you go all CA-RAZY when they turn on the bubble machine! There are a lot of other babies your age there and you are starting to seem more interested in them, or perhaps their toys. Yup, this week you crawled over to Jonah, and stole his toy -- from his hand. Someone needs to learn about sharing.

enjoying music class

stealing Jonah's toy

Crawling is one of your favorite things to do right now. You're still rockin' the army crawl but occasionally you get your trunk off of the floor, rock back and forth and then propel yourself forward. You're a very, very fast crawler! You especially love trying to crawl under the desk to get at the computer cables and wires. Standing is another fave right now. You stand holding onto the ottoman and seem so pleased with yourself. Because you LOVE standing so much you are now trying to pull yourself up to a stand any chance you get. That spells D-A-N-G-E-R for Mommy and Daddy!

crawling over to dog-dog

You currently have two teeth! I'm guessing that your holiday theme is going to be All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth.

your pearly whites -- *please don't hate me for this when you are older

Our favorite part of the day with you is an hour before bedtime. You turn into a super happy-ass! You giggle uncontrollably at every noise, tickle, and pinch. It's a really great way to end our day.

doing your best "Thriller" impersonation

just plain cute!

Happy Eighth Month Birthday Lila Bunny!

Love,
Mommy and Daddy

Is that a banana in your pocket?

2009-11-01T11:12:00.000-08:00

Lila and Izek

Montana Ave. Halloween Walk

We encountered a few pleasant surprises this Halloween:

Lila cut her first tooth! HOORAY!

We also ran into the original Incredible Hulk -- Lou Ferrigno! He joked that our car might get egged by the neighbor kids. Best celebrity sighting yet!

Trick or Treat

2009-10-30T18:08:00.001-07:00

I'll get you my pretty!

ghouls just wanna have fun

trip to the pumpkin patch

having a meltdown

My 1st Halloween!

Seven Months

2009-10-13T11:09:00.001-07:00

Dear Lila,

You're at this stage of discovery where you love grabbing everything (Mommy's glasses, Daddy's beer, and dog-dog's fur to name a few). Your favorite toy, albeit expensive, is Daddy's BlackBerry. Any chance you can get, you grab it and try to eat it. One of your favorite games is playing peek-a-booty (see video below). You think it's way funnier if we scare you and say "RRAAAGGHHH" instead of peek-a-boo. It's kind of twisted, but I like it :)' Another favorite past-time is your Jumperoo. You go B-A-N-A-N-A-S when you are in it. You squeal, giggle, bounce, rock, and bat at things. It's hilarious!

You recently had your first cold. Boo! You were a little bit cranky and protested any sort of nasal drip control that we tried to enforce. It took a week to get over and it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.

You still don't have any teeth. You drool non-stop and chew on everything. I am sure that they will peek through soon. What's interesting is you like gnawing on everything with the back of your mouth. Is it possible that you could get your molars first? I doubt it. But it would be funny if you had all of your molars first and then your front teeth.

Your favorite foods so far are sweet peas and squash. Yummy scrumbos! You absolutely detested bananas and apples. Your reaction was priceless!

Your reaction when you see Daddy come home steals my heart. You kick you feet, wave your arms and stick out your tongue with excitement! This was a moment that we had once dreamt of and wept for--to be living it now feels so surreal. Happy Seven Month Birthday!

We love you Lila Bunny!

Love, Mommy and Daddy

Peek-A-Booty

Random Cuteness

2009-09-25T11:38:00.000-07:00

Lila reached another milestone this week -- sitting!

Lila trying to grab Mommy's camera

Lila sitting pretty and reading to Mommy

Six Months

2009-09-21T20:51:00.001-07:00

Dear Lila,

Now that you are a big girl and eating solid foods could you please learn how to potty train yourself? For the love of God, your poop STINKS! You actually thought it was hilarious and erupted into a fit of giggles when I was dry heaving as I was changing your diaper. OK, enough about your poop.

You love playing independently while on your tummy. You like to amuse yourself by playing with your blocks, Mallorie the Monkey, your i-Pod (it's not really an i-Pod just a silly toy that plays music) and just about anything else you can get your hands and mouth on. The last few days you have been very interested in feeling and touching our faces. You seem to be much more aware of dog-dog Sully. When he lays down next to you, you like to touch his fur. He likes you too -- especially when he gets to clean up your spit-up.

You love inch-worming and slithering your way around. It's so cute! I can't wait to see what type of crawl you will do next -- the army crawl, bear crawl, crab crawl or leap frog? We'll have to wait and see!

My favorite thing is watching you put your feet in your mouth! It's the cutest thing ever. My least favorite thing is your constant flipping over in the middle of the night. I honestly wake up about twelve times a night to make sure that you are breathing (you like to mash your face into the mattress).

Last week was full of doctor visits. We met with the neurologist to see how everything was progressing. So far, so great! The medications are working and you haven't had any seizure activity since July 12. We will meet with the neurologist again in January. We also met with the pediatrician for your six-month check-up. You are doing everything you should be doing. You weighed in at 16 lbs 10 oz (65th percentile) and you are 27 inches tall (90th percentile). What a big girl you are!

Now about that potty training thing...

Love,

Mommy and Daddy

Busy Bee!

2009-09-02T16:00:00.001-07:00

Lila is doing so much now--rolling over in both directions, inching her way across the floor, eating solid foods, giggling up a storm, making raspberries, and babbling. I promise to post more this weekend!

Roll out!

2009-08-12T14:59:00.001-07:00

Yesterday afternoon Lila rolled over (back to tummy) for the first time!

Looking Back

2009-07-30T15:30:00.000-07:00

Dear Lila,

Exactly one year ago today we found out that we were expecting a baby. You are something that we once thought was impossible -- you are our miracle baby. Everyday we wake up we are grateful and appreciate the joy that you have brought into our lives. Thank you for "sticking" around...pun intended.

Love,

Mommy and Daddy

California girl

Mommy, Nana Lorraine, and Lila at The Farmer's Market

Pretty in pink

Lila and Daddy

The Ass-Wiping Room

2009-07-21T13:08:00.000-07:00

Here are a few photos of Lila and her nursery AKA the ass-wiping room. She's still sleeping in our room in her bassinet until we feel more comfortable with her seizure situation.

A Step in the Right Direction

2009-07-18T11:23:00.000-07:00

This past week we had an EEG, an MRI and started Lila on a new cocktail of meds.

We had the EEG at Children's Hospital in Los Angeles. Children's Hospital LA is one of the most depressing places I have ever been. It put this whole seizure situation into perspective. For the EEG, they strategically placed electrodes all over Lila's scalp to track her brain activity. After the electrodes were in place, they wrapped her head in a towel. She looked like she was at the spa...albeit a very depressing spa. They ran the EEG for about forty-five minutes. During the test, they were able to catch one of her seizure episodes. Hooray for that! Later that afternoon, our neurologist called to give us the results. She determined that Lila has focal onset epilepsy. She listed off some of the things that could be causing the seizures, i.e., cortical dysplasia, tuberous sclerosis, or idiopathic seizure activity. We took in all of this info and had ourselves a good-time with Dr. Google. In the future I am NEVER going to visit Dr. Google again. I cried buckets of tears as I read what cortical dysplasia and tuberous sclerosis were. The rest of the week was a haze of crying, being depressed, eating chocolate cake and popcorn for dinner, and wishing that the seizures would end or that the Keppra would start working.

Friday was the first day in a long time that Lila started off as her old self. She was playful, energetic, she almost rolled over and she only had one seizure all morning/afternoon. It was terrific! Around 3:30 PM, she had a seizure followed by eight more that evening. We were so bummed out. We thought we were making progress. Saturday morning we called the neurologist to ask about putting Lila on another medication. She called in a prescription for Zonegran to be used in conjunction with Keppra. The rest of Saturday afternoon was spent watching Lila sleep and have seizures. Saturday night, our friend Brenda invited us to have dinner at her house. It was nice to finally get out and not be prisoners in our own home. We started Lila on the Zonegran that night. On Sunday we once again got out of the house. We went out for lunch, ran some errands, and went by St. Monica's Church to have a priest bless Lila and to say some prayers that the MRI would come back normal and that the seizures were idiopathic.

Monday morning we showed up at UCLA for Lila's MRI. The doctors and nurses all marveled at how social and chubby she is. The anesthesiologist came by to explain how he was going to sedate her and that she would return to her normal self shortly after the procedure. The procedure took about two hours. It usually only takes forty-five minutes but Lila was pretty active and they had to give her more anesthesia. Tuesday morning we had our appointment with the Neurologist to get the results of Lila's MRI. Idiopathic -- meaning no known cause of the seizures! Hooray! We both felt like the weight of the world had been lifted off of our shoulders. When else in our lives will we be completely overjoyed for there to be no information or cause? In addition to this great news Lila has not had a seizure since Sunday afternoon! Her last seizure happened immediately after we left the church. Not sure how to interpret that, but I'm grateful.

Our next appointment with the neurologist is in two months. We will be tracking Lila's development to make sure that she remains on track for her age group. Currently, she is on track and above in her development. Proud Mama talking right there. Right now we are enjoying every single second with Lila and hoping that the seizures continue to be controlled by this new cocktail of medications. We're hopeful that she grows out of the seizures and that her future is as bright as it is for any other child her age.

Why Is This Happening?

2009-07-03T23:37:00.000-07:00

Wednesday

Wednesday was a really horrible day. Lila started off the morning with a seizure. This seizure was different than Friday's seizure activity. She was catatonic, unresponsive to her name/ my voice, and her limbs were limp like a rag-doll. It lasted about 45 seconds. I called the pediatrician to tell her about the new seizure. I told her that Lila didn't lose any oxygen and she remained conscious after her seizure. She asked me to go get labs drawn on Lila to see what her Phenobarbital level was--in the event that they needed to tweak her dosage. After we had the labs drawn, Lila had another catatonic type seizure. This one was brief and lasted only 15 seconds. We went home and Lila had two more seizures. I called the pediatrician again and she told me to go to the UCLA Emergency Room and demand to be admitted. She didn't want us going to Cedars again to see the horrible neurologist that they have on staff. When we arrived at the Emergency Room at UCLA Lila had another seizure in front of the nursing staff. They observed the seizure, took her vitals, made sure she wasn't losing any oxygen and then told us to go to the waiting room. We waited for 3 1/2 hours to be seen by a doctor. Lila had a series of several more seizures in front of the doctors. Hey, at least she has good timing. After 9 1/2 hours in the ER and a measly 12 seizures later they sent us home. They told us that because she wasn't losing oxygen, her demeanor immediately following the seizure's was normal, and the fact that we had an appointment with a neurologist in the morning-we were in pretty good shape to go home. The highlight of our ER visit was the deranged fellow in the room next to us. Here's a re-cap of his conversation with the ER Nurse

Nurse: Sir, why are you here?

Deranged Fellow: I crushed up a CD and swallowed it.

Nurse: What!?! That's crazy!

Deranged Fellow: Mumbles something

Nurse: You also ate two toothbrushes! Uh, why do you have an IV in your arm?

Deranged Fellow: They discharged me with it from the other hospital.

Nurse: Right.

Thursday

Thursday morning we went to meet with our new Pediatric Neurologist. She is terrific. She assessed Lila to be developmentally on track and with her age group. She is weaning Lila off of the Phenobarbital and is putting her on a new anti-seizure med called Keppra. She said that it may take a little tweaking to find the appropriate dosage to control the seizure activity. The Neurologist is starting Lila off on a very low dosage. Hopefully it works. She also said that she believes that Lila's seizure's can be controlled with medication and Lila will eventually outgrow the seizure's without any developmental delays. I hope and pray that is true. She re-scheduled us for an EEG for this Tuesday. Yay! She is hoping to get us an MRI soon too. Lila rounded out the day with five brief seizures. Not so terrific.

Friday

Today was an ordinary seizure filled day. Nine seizures. All brief. Each time Lila returned to her normal self. The only thing to be noted about today was that Lila is more tired than usual which is most likely because of her meds.

I think that this past week has finally caught up to us. We want answers. We want the seizure's to stop or at the very least be under control. We're tired of watching our beautiful little girl go through this. We had the whole "Why Us" conversation with a rundown on what a difficult journey we have already been through to have Lila. It sucks. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. We're coping as best we can with this hand that has been dealt (more like bitch-slapped) to us.

Unexpected Turn Of Events

2009-06-28T22:50:00.000-07:00

Friday was one of the worst days of my life. Lila gave us a big scare but she is fine now.

It started out to be a very normal day. I was supposed to meet a friend for coffee in Santa Monica but at the last minute she changed her mind and wanted to meet in West Hollywood instead. I was pretty pissed because it was out of my way and somewhat inconsiderate of her to change the locale last minute. We met up anyway and had a great time. She was quite smitten with Lila and Lila with her. Around 1:30 I fed Lila and then she fell asleep in my arms. I placed Lila in her stroller and we all said our good-byes. As my friend was saying good-bye to Lila I noticed that she had spit-up. I wiped her mouth and then noticed that Lila's eyes were rolling in back of her head and her arms were flailing. I wasn't exactly sure what was happening but I was pretty confident it was a seizure. I had a fucking heart attack. I quickly picked her up from her stroller and held her sideways in my arms (so she wouldn't choke). My friend called 911 and I did my best to remain calm. After a minute, Lila was back to her normal smiley self. I thought that maybe I was over-reacting so I cancelled the ambulance and called my pediatrician. I was only a five minute drive from the pediatrician's office (this is where I insert a HUMONGOUS thank you to my friend for changing locations). The ride to the pediatrician's office was uneventful. I walked into an exam room to wait for our pediatrician. I took Lila out of her stroller and BOOM! another seizure. I ran into the hall with Lila in my arms to find the pediatrician or a nurse. Dr. Weiner came running around the corner and took Lila from my arms. She told me that it was in fact a seizure and told a nurse to call the paramedics. At this point I completely lost it. I was scared and I just wanted it all to stop. It seemed so surreal. Dr. Weiner brought out some oxygen to wave in front of Lila's face while she and her staff noted everything about the seizure. This seizure was slightly different form the first, her eyes rolled in back of her head but this time only her right arm was flailing and the right side of her face was twitching. Dr. Weiner and her staff took Lila's temperature to make sure the seizure wasn't caused by a fever. Her temp was 98.1 so that ruled out that theory. Again, immediately following her seizure she was completely fine and happy making eye contact and smiling. The paramedics came pretty quickly and rushed us to the emergency room at Cedars Sinai. The moment we entered the emergency room Brett met us. I was so happy to see him. An emergency room nurse took Lila's vitals and a doctor examined her. About an hour into our ER visit, Lila had her third seizure. It was exactly the same as her second. Brett ran out and grabbed the doctor while I sat with Lila. The doctor ordered more lab work, a CT scan and an intravenous dose of phenobarbital. The worst part was watching the nurses try to find a vein for Lila's IV. My poor baby cried real tears. The nurses warned me that it would be traumatic to watch and that I should leave the room. I wish I had listened or at the very least turned my head. Then we had a CT Scan and it showed nothing abnormal. Huge sigh of relief. All of the labs came back normal. She didn't have a fever, virus, or meningitis. She hadn't had any recent vaccinations or head trauma. We were left scratching our heads. The pediatric neurologist came in to exam Lila, review her labs and scan. She said that Lila seemed like very healthy, precocious little girl. She recommended that Lila spend the night in the pediatric NICU for observation. Poor Lila, now she had to spend the night in an unfamiliar place with only IV fluids for nutrition. She was so upset and not at all her normal self. Every time she drifted off into sleep she would quiver as if she were crying. It was horrible and left me with the worst feeling and ache in my heart. We left the hospital at about 11:15. I couldn't sleep at all and I got up several times to look in her bassinet. We returned to the hospital early the next morning. Dr. Weiner's colleague was there examining Lila. She told us that Lila had not had another seizure and that we could feed her. Hooray! Lila ate 10 0z like a champ. She may have a career in competitive eating after all this. The rest of the day went well. Lila started a different version and dose of phenobarbital and kept down all of her meals. We were released around 5 PM and Lila has been her old self since then. Dr. Weiner and the pediatric neurologist will both be contacting us tomorrow for exams and to schedule an EEG and MRI.

I learned a few things from this scenario I would like to pass on to other parents.

1. Never get sick on a Friday afternoon because the more experienced Medical professionals have the weekend off. This is what the neurologist told us. Hence, the reason why our EEG and MRI will be this week.

2. Lila will have no memory of this. Unfortunately for me, I will never forget this.

3. Seizures don't kill people (except almost killing me). They are just scary to witness (extreme understatement).

4. If you happen to witness your baby having a seizure move them over to their side, make sure their airway is clear. Document how long the seizure is. I was asked this question no fewer than 2000 times.

I'm keeping my fingers, eyes, toes and legs crossed that all of the tests go well this week.

Weeks 10,11, & 12

2009-06-07T20:43:00.000-07:00

Dear Lila,

My goodness time is flying by. You look more like a "baby" now. Isn't that crazy? You have been spending more time awake during the day. We usually spend your awake and alert time playing with your gym or with your favorite toy buddies Mallorie The Monkey, and the musical Caterpillar. Any time you sit facing your Caterpillar toy your whole face lights up! It's so beautiful to see that this random musical Caterpillar with googly eyes is what brings joy to your life. This is going to be one of those toys that I will save for you and when you're about 25 years old you will think "why on earth would you save this scrappy ass toy Mum?"

I think that you are almost ready to roll over now. You have rolled over from your back to your side a few times. You are also a serious kick boxer/break-dancer. It's funny to wake up in the morning and just see your little feet up in the air above your bassinet. In the last few weeks you discovered that your hands are part of your body. You look at them, put them in your mouth, grab things (including my hair). My favorite thing that you do with your hands is put them together and wiggle your fingers like you are cooking up some kind of scheme. It's too funny.

Your sleep pattern is so much better now. You sleep five hours at a time during the night waking up at about 3:00 AM for a feeding. The last two nights were exceptionally wonderful because you slept for 7 hours each night! Someday you will realize how unbelievably amazing it is to get more that 6 hours of sleep in a row with a baby your age. I feel like I went on vacation.

In a few weeks we will be taking a trip to Boston to introduce you to our families. There will be a few parties in your honor with many, many people who have been waiting a long time to meet the newest edition to our family. We are really looking forward to this trip with you!

Love, Mommy and Daddy
xoxo

Weeks 8 & 9

2009-05-17T21:09:00.000-07:00

Just as I was sitting down to write this post there was an earthquake. I do NOT like earthquakes--they scare the living crap out of me.

Dear Lila,

So much has happened in the last two weeks. You went for your two month check-up with your pediatrician, Dr. W. You weigh 11 lbs and you are 22.8 inches long! You grow girl! You had your first of many vaccinations and like 99.9% of babies you hated it. You screamed and cried and I felt horrible and guilt ridden just watching you. There should be some sort of Valium or something for parents to take when kids get their vaccinations. Later that evening you had a slight reaction to your vaccination, you were in so much pain you were screaming. The volume of your scream was so intense and your whole body was trembling. I'm surprised no one in our building called DSS. Yes, it was that loud! We called Dr. W and asked her what to do. She told us to give you baby Tylenol. As the Tylenol was kicking in, your pretty little lower lip kept quivering. Despite the fact that you were in an enormous amount of pain--you still managed to be the cutest little thing we have ever laid eyes on.

The last few days, and especially last night you have been babbling. It is so sweet. You will make really cute gurgling sounds and ah-goo noises. It's almost like you are really trying to have a conversation with us. I LOVE it! Also new over the last few days is your fervent desire to have your head looking over my shoulder, out at that world, for about three painful hours every night. Somehow this brings you comfort. You know what it brings me? The potential for a hunchback. You see Lila, you seem to only like my left shoulder which is really going to offset the balance of muscles and give me a big ol' camel hump high up on my back--just like my fifth grade teacher Ms. Pitts. I can envision your teenage years now. You being teased because your Mom has a humongous ham-hock on her shoulder. Hiding me from your friends. I can only imagine what type of stories you will conjure up to explain why your Mom is "all busted up like that". Hopefully this phase will be short lived and my shoulder will be spared many years of physical therapy.

This next coming week is going to be action packed. On Tuesday you will be starting daycare three hours a day, three days a week while I go back to work part-time. It's going to be so difficult to leave you while I am working. Thankfully, I will only be working part-time so you and I can spend lots of time together. This coming weekend we are going on a trip to San Antonio, TX for baby B's Christening. We are so excited for baby B and his parents to finally meet you.

Love,
Mommy and Daddy

pretty baby eyelashes!

who is that baby?

breakdancing!

so cute!

Random Advice For Soon To Be Parents

2009-05-12T22:28:00.000-07:00

Random Advice #1
I absolutely LOVE www.diapers.com! Seriously, it doesn't get any easier than this. Free shipping on orders over $50 and an insanely quick turnaround time. I ordered diapers on Monday afternoon and they were delivered late Tuesday morning.

Random Advice #2
I'm sure you know by now that the cruel manufacturers of baby toys and gear engineered them to operate solely on battery power. Bastards. Batteries are expensive and you will go through them very, very quickly. Enter one of the greatest inventions ever...re-chargeable batteries! If only they had created these when I was blasting my eardrums with my Walkman eons ago. Oh my god, I just realized that Lila is never going to know what a Walkman is.

Mother's Day

2009-05-10T16:29:00.001-07:00

Lila, I never thought I would see the day
That I would be your Mom.
I hoped, I wished and prayed for you,
And now I am holding you in my arms.
There was a very special woman
That led me to my dream that is you.
She lived far away in India,
A place I hope we will someday travel back to.
She showed me that people can be unselfish
And helped me fulfill my dream.
I hope someday you can comprehend
What all of this really means.
Because of her I now know gratitude
and unconditional love.
I am forever changed, a new woman.
Now fulfilling a role I had once dreamt of.

Love, Mommy

Seven Weeks

2009-05-01T21:22:00.000-07:00

Dear Lila,

Today you turned seven weeks old! Lately, you seem to be very interested in Mommy’s eyeglasses. We’re not sure if you are looking at them because of the contrast of the dark rims against Mommy’s face or if you are trying to figure out if it is someone else. It’s great to see your little mind in action. A few times this week you slept five-plus hours! Just when we think we know your schedule you change it! It’s good to keep us guessing--keeps us in check.

Someday you will look back at these musings and photos and wonder why is my face all scratched? Well, my little bunny, your face is scratched because babies have machete-like fingernails that are difficult to trim. This week I woke up to find a few scratches on the left side of your gorgeous little face. I immediately trimmed your fingernails which is one the most heart pounding tasks I have ever encountered. Your tiny little hands are so delicate, and your nails are almost microscopic. Now factor in your jerky movements and my nervousness. Oh, boy! I bought these nail clippers with a magnifying glass thinking they would be useful. Mmm, not so much. I briefly considered buying this device called Pedi-Paws (I know it’s for dogs) to trim your nails. Maybe the manufacturers of Pedi-Paws could make one for babies. That would be great.

xoxo, Mommy and Daddy

Having fun at the gym

What are you looking at?

Scratchy McScratchface

Six Weeks

2009-04-24T21:16:00.000-07:00

Dear Lila,

Today you turned six weeks old! This week you showed us many, many smiles! I just love watching you move your little rose bud lips into a smirky toothless grin. Simply put, your smiles are intoxicating.

You and I took a few trips this week. First, we went to my work so I could introduce you to everyone. Nina, Peggy, and Skyler couldn't stop gushing about how perfect you are! They didn't want you to leave and kept running off with you -- I for sure thought I was going to have to send out an Amber Alert. The next day we went to see Daddy at work. All of his co-workers were ooohing and aaahing over how cute you are. I believe that you may have inspired a "baby boom" at Daddy's office. Don't worry -- management won't hold you responsible.

You are continuing to grow, Grow, and GROW! You have outgrown all of your newborn clothes and diapers. You love doing tummy time on our bellies. You are so good at lifting your head up and turning it. Oh yeah, and speaking of heads turning, you emulated The Exorcist the other night and projectile vomited. It was really scary for me since I was half asleep and not expecting it.

There's something I've been meaning to write to you. Everyday I thank God/Ganesha/my lucky stars for you. You have no idea how badly we wanted you and how incredibly fortunate we feel to finally hold you in our arms. I never wanted to be anything other than your Mom. You are my Oscar, my Emmy, my Nobel Prize. I cherish every moment that I have with and I always will. May your life be filled with endless possibilities and your memories be filled with happiness.

xoxo, Mommy and Daddy

My unpaid internship - working for Daddy

Ooops, I did it again!

Mommy is so funny!

Life is good

Jazz hands

Five Weeks

2009-04-17T20:08:00.000-07:00

Dear Lila,

Today you turned five weeks old! This week you were ever the social butterfly. You helped your Daddy and I celebrate our ten year anniversary (of knowing each other) at a schmancy restaurant. You also met a few of our favorite people --Sedonna & Carl, Kevin & Marie, and Kevin & Courtney. They all think you are the bomb.

You have been spending more time on your tummy, and your neck is getting so strong. Last night you slept for four hours straight! AND you did it twice! In the last day you have been making the cutest smirky face grin that I think could actually be a smile!! You see, I was getting ready, you were sitting in your bouncy seat and I started singing TLC's "No Scrubs" to you (this song will help you when you turn 30 and your Daddy let's you start dating). All of a sudden you had the biggest grin on your face, and I briefly thought that maybe I had imagined it. Today when you woke up from your nap you had the same face again. This grin was different from your usual "Aaahhh, I just farted" grin. I hope that this is the beginning of many beautiful smiles.

I know that you're a baby, and "spit happens," but you have been spitting up more than before. In fact you had a Mt. Vesuvius type episode all over your Daddy. He had just come home from work and was so excited to see you. He fed you, he burped you, you burped and then spit happened. It happened all over his shoulder, down his pant leg, and all over the floor. It was massive. I rushed in to help clean up, and so did Sully (your big dog brother). And boy, did he clean it up. He is quite possibly the grossest dog ever. We tried to yell at him but laughed our butts off instead.

xoxo Mommy and Daddy

Celebrating with Mommy and Daddy

Working out

Pffft...Farting makes me happy

Sully offering his assistance

Four Weeks

2009-04-10T17:18:00.000-07:00

Dear Lila,

Today you turned four weeks old! You have already grown so much, and you seem to change every single day. You love to snuggle and make what we call the "ooohhh face." You really seem to like our nightly dance party, and I think Rihanna is easily your favorite. The toys that you are most interested in are your swing and Peacock. Both have black, white and red designs that really intrigue you. You love gazing at things (especially our faces), and you have beaten your Daddy in many staring competitions. Go Lila J!

The past few weeks we have encountered many "firsts." Your first car ride. Your first time flying on a plane (BTW-you were phenomenal and didn't fuss once)! Your first bath. Your first time pooping on my finger (I forgive you). Your first time going to the mall (to buy you girl clothes so people would stop asking me "what's his name?"). Your first time going out to dinner. Your first passport (please forgive us because your passport photo is ridiculous--just know that we didn't take it). There are just too many to list!

What A Cutie!

2009-04-09T16:41:00.001-07:00

A few pics of my favorite cutie

Introducing Ms. Lila James

2009-04-03T00:37:00.000-07:00

We are finally home!

Here are a few photos of Lila. I promise to post more pics this weekend as well as her birth story.

It's a ....

2009-03-14T00:09:00.000-07:00

GIRL!

Lila James was born yesterday afternoon (my birthday) at 4:44. She weighed 7lbs 2oz. I promise to post pic's soon.

This was the greatest birthday gift I could have ever asked for!

Auntie Kathy

2009-03-12T00:53:00.000-07:00

One year ago today I lost my favorite aunt/ godmother Kathy. She was the person who took care of me when my Mom was working. She was one of the most influential people in my life. She taught me a lot about being me and accepting what life gives you. Kathy was in an accident when she was 11 years old which left over 60% of her body burned. I never noticed that she looked different because to me she was beautiful. She exuded confidence. She was the greatest story teller I had ever met. She would often tell me stories about my Dad, and she always had me in a fit of laughter by the end. She was my saving grace during the most awkward and difficult times of my life. I loved her so much. Auntie Kathy, I miss you.

xoxo 2x2

Sorry for the Long Post

2009-03-11T01:49:00.000-07:00

Let me begin this post by explaining that when travelling such a great distance you need to be prepared for anything and everything. We arrived at LAX on Friday at 8:45 PM for our 12:05 AM flight. While we were in line, a representative from Cathay Pacific started approaching passengers to check their itinerary and would tell them to take the earlier flight. This made us a bit anxious. She approached us and began telling us that because there were strong headwinds, our flight was delayed and it would also need to stop in Korea to refuel. Balls. She arranged for us to get on the 10:20 flight, gave us each $100 cash compensation for the inconvenience, and then promised us we wouldn't miss our connecting flights. Allow me to interject for a moment with a random thought. I have this amazing knack for picking people out at the airport whom I know will not only be sitting near me on the plane, but will also be loud, stand in the aisle when the fasten seat belts sign is on, and almost always have a screaming child with them (I guess we should give them a pass on the screaming child part – that will be us before too long). We rushed through security without a moment to spare, got to our gate, and noticed that our 10:20 PM flight had not boarded yet, and it was total chaos at the gate because the terminal was under construction. This is where I wish I could have started drinking. Finally, we make it onto the plane with all of the other passengers when voila, like magic, the "problem" family appears to be sitting in front of us. They didn't like their seats and neither did I. They wouldn't sit down, and delayed our flight even more. Damn me and my stupid "knack" for picking out the problem people!

Long story short – we missed our connecting flights and found ourselves happily stranded for 24 hours in Hong Kong where we got to meet up with B's college friends who just had a baby. We may have missed out on the Taj Mahal, but I was more than happy to see familiar faces, a new face, and eat Pizza Express! Congratulations again C & S on your happy and beautiful little boy.

We left Hong Kong on Monday morning for Delhi. We arrived in Delhi at 1:15 PM and then began our 9 1/2 hour layover. The only way I can describe this airport is to say that it is worse than a Greyhound bus station, and I would rather get a bladder infection than use the toilets there.

Mr. Uday (Dr. Patel's driver) picked us up from the airport. He is probably the happiest person I have ever met in my life. I love him. He made that long agonizing trip melt away with his exuberant laugh. He also told us that a Domino's Pizza had just been built next to Big Bazaar. Yet another reason I love this man.

On Tuesday morning we went to see Dr. Patel. We waited in Hitesh's office for a while and met another couple who was there visiting their surrogate who is 4 1/2 months pregnant. They also happen to be from Los Angeles, so we exchanged contact info. We went into Dr. Patel's office, met with our surrogate, M, had an ultrasound, and got to hear the heartbeat. The baby had its hand in a fist next to its head and looked so adorable. Hearing the heartbeat was music to my ears and immediately made me cry tears of joy. Dr. Patel said our baby was large. I asked her if it was larger than six pounds, and she said it was. M looks amazing – so healthy, and happy. That too brings me great joy.

We found out that today was M's birthday. We arranged for a birthday cake for her. This was the first time in her life that she had ever celebrated her birthday. It made me aware of all that I have and that I should never take anything for granted. We met with M, her husband, her Mom, her three boys, her good friend, and a few of the nurses to celebrate her birthday. She was very happy to have us all there. She even let me touch her belly a few times. What an amazing day! Happy Birthday M!

India Or Bust!

2009-03-06T17:50:00.000-08:00

I can't describe how crazy this week has been. Here's a brief summary: I spent all week running around at Mach speed, had a panic attack, and then my car stalled in the Babies-R-Us parking lot. I nearly lost my shit.

What I can describe is how AWESOME I feel right now. I feel relieved, happy, anxious, nervous, tired, definitely tired [shaking my head], and most of all I am ready. Ready to be in India. Ready to watch our baby be born. Ready to hold our baby. And ready to be a Mommy.

I just wanted to publicly thank a very important person who has helped me through all of the many emotions that came along with this process.

My dear friend J in NYC- What an amazing friend you have been throughout all of this. You're just as excited as we are for this baby, and when we told you we were expecting, you cried with joy. When we were in India in July, you actually looked into shipping us McDonald's cheeseburgers. For that alone I wanted to open mouth kiss you. I heart you J! Thanks for everything!

Life Is Full Of Surprises

2009-03-02T00:31:00.000-08:00

A patient who just returned from Dr. Patel's clinic emailed me a few pictures of our beautiful surrogate. It was really moving to see how much M has grown. I can't wait to see M next week. I am counting the days, hours, and minutes until we see her again.

K, thank you for the pictures. You rock!

Baby Shower!

2009-03-01T00:07:00.001-08:00

WOW! We had a BLAST at our not so traditional baby shower. We got so many great baby gifts, e.g. band-aids that resemble bacon strips, a gangsta rap coloring book, earplugs, and beer -- you know, all the basics that every new parent needs. My favorite gift of all was my BFF, S travelling all the way from Boston.

Ten Days

2009-02-24T13:23:00.000-08:00

Ten more days until we leave!

My BFF is coming to LA tomorrow to co-host our baby shower this Saturday! I promise to post pictures of the festivities for our friends and family who can't attend.

Unresolved Issues

2009-02-21T11:03:00.000-08:00

As we near the end of our pregnancy I am still grappling with a few issues.

Issue #1- Not having carried our baby. It's something that not many people will be able to relate to unless they have walked a mile in my shoes. The mere fact that I am going to watch another woman experience labor and pain that was meant for me is unsettling. It makes me feel pretty empty--no pun intended. I keep trying to envision the moment when I will be in the delivery room with M, the moment that they will hand over our baby to me, the moment I will let go of M's hand to hold my baby, leaving M alone [insert tears here]. I feel a clash of emotions about this moment. It will be the happiest and saddest moment. Happy for obvious reasons. Sad because this strong woman, who has labored so hard over the course of nine months and has given up so much of her life to help me find joy in mine, will be alone and in pain while I am experiencing what will probably be the most joyous moment in my life [sobbing].

Issue #2- Breastfeeding. Why, why, why do people who are close to me feel the need to recant stories of how great it was to breastfeed or how their kid wouldn't take a bottle after being at their breast. I get it. You're better than me. You got to feel your baby kick and move inside of you. You never had to worry about another woman carrying your child. You never had to worry about your baby's nutrition or how much food you had to bring to a foreign country because you were capable of carrying your child and feeding your child at your breast.

Issue #3-Don't touch my baby! This isn't really an issue for me per se. I'm not letting anyone hold our baby but me or Brett for a long time. Not even my my own mother. I have to make up for the time I lost not carrying my baby, and I don't want our baby to be confused as to who his or her mother is. So to answer peoples' questions -- if you want to help after our baby is born you can leave us alone so we can bond with our baby.

Taj Mahal

2009-02-20T20:17:00.000-08:00

WOW! We leave in 14 days. Not sure if I have mentioned this yet but we are planning a brief stopover (less than 24 hours) in Agra to see the Taj Mahal. Our travel time from LAX to Agra is 29 hours. Long, but totally worth it.

Pediatrician

2009-02-19T21:03:00.000-08:00

We met our pediatrician tonight. We LOVE her. She was really informative, just conservative enough, had a great sense of humor, was serious yet not stuffy, and she likes to have her nurses play "bad cop"(by having them administer the shots) while she plays "good cop."

The office is great. The walls had murals painted on them with puppies, grass, bunnies, and a kid pulling a wagon. They toys were educational and well-kept. It's way different from what I was exposed to as a kid. There is a sick entrance and a well entrance to help keep the kids who are there for wellness check-ups from getting sick. The office is divided into two wings (separated by the doctors' offices in the middle) with all of the wellness exam rooms on one side and the exam rooms for sick kids on the other side.

My pediatrician's office when I was younger had broken chairs, screaming parents, bleeding kids finger-painting murals with their bloody hands, used Highlights magazines and an Etch-a-sketch that didn't work. There was only one entrance, and it was crowded with smoking parents. For some odd reason I liked going to that hell hole. Strange.

On a doctor-related side note, B said that my reaction to my oral surgery was similar to this.

Helping Our Economy... One Diaper At A Time

2009-02-16T10:59:00.000-08:00

Let's just say that we will be doing our best to stimulate the econmy through diaper purchases. We just purchased 272 newborn sized diapers through www.diapers.com.

I can tell you right now that this is going to be my new favorite website. They deliver diapers to your door. Can you believe that? I'm stoked! In addition to being really awesome and dropping the diapers at your front door, they don't charge you for shipping if your order is at least $5o! When I found that out I made the Scooby-Doo sound.

Blogging Under The Influence

2009-02-15T11:06:00.000-08:00

Our dream is on the cusp of becoming a reality. I can't believe we are almost there. I remember when we had just found out that M was pregnant and how far away the end of the first trimester seemed, let alone the end of our pregnancy. We'll be in India before we know it. Three more weeks.

Wisdom teeth update -- There is a tooth fairy...her name is Percocet.

Word From The Wise

2009-02-08T13:58:00.000-08:00

Holy crap. We leave for India in less than four weeks!

So much is going on right now. We are having our baby shower at the end of the month, two weeks from now we are having our "Last Hoorah Party", and this Friday I am getting my wisdom teeth out . Lucky me, instead of having four wisdom teeth I have six! You can say it--"EEEW, FREAK"! This probably explains why I am such a wise ass.

Below is a picture of the bookcase and shelves that we just assembled.

Bringing Home Baby

2009-01-31T10:52:00.000-08:00

I am obsessed with this TV show Bringing Home Baby. It follows a couple leaving the hospital, returning home with their baby and their first week of parenthood.

I watch this show and think "they would need a two hour special for us." It would be more like Bringing Home Baby meets Amazing Race. We will be getting in a rickshaw, going to a hotel, getting in a car, getting on an airplane (to Mumbai), getting in a car, going to another hotel, going to the US Consulate (to get our baby's passport), getting in a car, getting on a plane (flying through Hong Kong), getting on another plane (going to LAX), going through immigration, going through customs, getting into OUR car, and then going home. Sounds crazy--but I wouldn't have it any other way.

Five more weeks until we leave!

Shake, Rattle, and Roll

2009-01-23T21:26:00.000-08:00

Shake

We had a small earthquake tonight. It felt like someone upstairs from us picked up their car and dropped it in their livingroom. It was a loud boom with a little sway. I have to say that I would rather have a blizzard, nor'easter, hurricane, tornado and even a shit storm before experiencing "the big one" that Los Angeles has been waiting for.

Rattle

My nerves have been kind of rattled lately with our ginormous to do list. We have been picking things off one by one but I feel like we aren't even making a dent in the "list". I have a target date that I would like everything done by. And by everything I mean having our bags packed so we could leave in a moments notice, batteries in all of the toys, and some meals prepared and frozen so we can have food, AKA a meatfest, when we get back from India. This date is February 22.

Roll

We got a new set of wheels today. We bought our baby stroller! I LOVE it! Behold the Baby Jogger City Mini 2009 in Stone. Stylish, compact, affordable, and practical.

Six Weeks....

2009-01-23T10:14:00.000-08:00

Six weeks from today we will be leaving for India!

Pity Party

2009-01-18T16:20:00.001-08:00

***WARNING: Emotional feelings ahead brought on by the dozens of pregnant women ruining my vacation. They are everywhere***

Everywhere we turn at this resort we have been running into pregnant women -- elevator, pool, beach, restaurant, lobby, store, and parking garage. It's driving me mad and drumming up the not so amazing feelings that only another barren woman could understand -- inferiority, inadequacy, incompetency and the dreaded feeling-slash-elephant in the room...jealousy.

I get so jealous when I see a pregnant woman rubbing her belly. It seems so natural, so pure and so tender. They look like the mothers they will soon become the way they lovingly stroke their bellies. I always wonder what they are feeling at that moment? A kick? A flip? Does it feel like butterflies in their belly? It makes me incredibly jealous because I will never ever know that feeling. Then I think of B and what I have taken from him because of my useless cancer ridden uterus. Poor B, he will never get to watch our baby grow in my belly or feel our baby kick. We'll never have that movie scene moment where we are in our bed on a sunny Sunday morning when I take his hand I say that our baby is kicking and he feels it for the first time and then smiles. I will never see his reaction to that moment. So much more has been taken from me other than my fertility. B and I will never enjoy these precious milestones and memories, and I am bitter and angry about it. I don't want to hear any comments like "what you are going through is so much more emotionally involved and will make you both stronger". F--- that! I am literally sitting here on the front lines watching people rub their bellies and take their husbands hands to their womb. I can tell you first hand that I would rather be in their shoes and that they seem just as bonded as B and me. Why did I have to have my uterus surgically removed? Why couldn't it have been someone that never wanted children? Why couldn't it have happened to someone who used drugs or sold their body? Why me?

I guess I'll never know.

Aloha From Maui

2009-01-18T00:17:00.000-08:00

"Please don't make me go home. I love it here" I imagine these will be the words I am screaming as I am being dragged against my will onto a plane back to LA.

Hooray! Hooray! Hooray!

2009-01-10T18:16:00.000-08:00

We are officially in the third trimester!!!

Holiday Scramble

2008-12-31T09:26:00.000-08:00

B and I went back to Boston to spend the holidays with our families. Everyday was action packed with us whooshing around to see our families. I know it may sound silly--but I need a vacation from this vacation.

This year I reconnected with my Dad's side of the family. After my paternal grandmother passed away we all lost touch. It was great visiting my aunts, uncles, and cousins after not seeing them all for so long. I made a vow to myself that I wouldn't fall out of touch with them again.

We got tons of baby gifts from our families! Clothes, books, blankets, diaper bags, and a bouncy seat. B's Mom went on a knitting bonanza and made us a beautiful sweater with a matching hat, a few other hats, and a stroller blanket. When I opened the stroller blanket I said "you know we have a queen size bed, right?" Everyone laughed. J/Mom thank you for the amazing gifts that were definitly made with love.

We also went to Lake Winnipesaukee to visit our godson. He is perfect in every way and I hope our baby is as cute and cuddly as him. His Mommy gave me lots of great tips and registry advice. Love her for that!!!

We got back on Sunday afternoon and we have been crazy busy. Sully caught some sort of bug while he was at the kennel. He was sneezing like crazy (15 sneezes at a time)! His eyes were really watery with lots of discharge and his lips looked chapped. During one of his sneezing fits he actually sneezed blood. I had an F''ing heart attack. We rushed him to the emergency room and they sent us home with all sorts of pills and eye drops. I wish that he could talk and tell me something like "yo girl, I'm cool. Just caught something. Chillax". He is responding well to the meds and is acting more like the pup I love.

This weekend we will be moving in to our new apartment. I think it is a great way to start a new year that will be the beginning of a new chapter in our lives.

Happy New Year!

Infant Care Class

2008-12-21T18:23:00.001-08:00

Our class was pretty small. There were two other couples and a woman studying to become a doula. It was really intimidating to be at a baby care class and not be pregnant. We had to go around the room and talk about ourselves, when we are due, and where we are delivering. Our turn came and of course we blew everyone away with “our surrogate is due mid-late March, we’ll be delivering in India”. Sometimes I wish that having a baby via a surrogate in India was a little more mainstream. The questions, awkwardness, and feeling of inadequacy really build up over time. We patiently answered all of the questions that people had for us.

The rest of the class was great! We learned about all of these newborn conditions that are completely normal but could be alarming to the untrained eye. Apparently a newborn baby girl could possibly menstruate because of all of the estrogen passed on throughout the pregnancy! There are also numerous skin and eye conditions that would have had me running to the hospital had we not taken this class. We learned the basics--bathing, swaddling, umbilical cord care, circumcision care, and changing a diaper.

I just wanted to publicly thank B for going to this class with me today despite the fact that the Patriots were on TV:)

Random/unrelated/non-baby tid bit...
If you still haven't found the perfect holiday gift for your man and you find the smell of meat irresistible then please allow me to introduce you to....

Burger King's cologne now flame broiled

Puttin' the Ma in Maui

2008-12-19T21:58:00.000-08:00

My mom is a widow; she raised her brothers and sisters, her four kids, and a few of her nieces and nephews. She has the biggest heart of anyone I have met or will ever meet. She never had it easy, but now she is finally able to relax and enjoy life. My mom will be turning 60 next week.

Last year, when my mom was visiting, I asked her if she could go on vacation anywhere in the world where would she go? Her answer was Hawaii. Next month, my mom, B, and I will be spending 5 glorious days and nights in Maui. Happy Birthday Ma...we love you. xoxo, 2x2!

Busy Bees

2008-12-14T20:37:00.000-08:00

Sorry I haven't posted but we have been super busy...

Patience
This morning we had our Infant Care Class. The first thing that we learned about was the art of patience. We arrived like the rest of the couples that were there...a few minutes early. We waited patiently for our instructor to arrive. And we waited a little more. And then a little more. Still no instructor. We all ended up leaving after patiently waiting for 45 minutes. It appears that our instructor messed up the time of our class. We're rescheduled for next Sunday morning at 10 AM.

New Apartment
We finally found a new apartment. This search felt like it lasted for an eternity (in my opinion it did). I looked at so many shiteous apartments in the last few weeks that when I found "the one" I thought I was hallucinating. Seriously.

It's Like Peeling Off A Band-Aid
I came out of the pregnancy closet at work and haven't stopped since! We had a staff meeting last weekend. We did the usual--what's going on in the restaurant industry, tasted some wine and new menu items, and then we did the usual team building exercise. This particular team building exercise had each of us pair up with another person and tell that person three things that they didn't know about you. I paired up with my friend Nina. When it was our turn, Nina stood up and proudly told everyone about our pregnancy. Everyone cheered, a few people cried, and I found out that my boss used to sell herbal Viagra. What a great way to announce our pregnancy!

384 Months Old!
We celebrated B's birthday this week. I am proud to announce that he is toilet trained (although he can be gassy at times). He ate solid foods at his birthday dinner and kept his drooling to a minimum. We certainly had a big reason to celebrate this year!

A Smattering Of Updates

2008-11-15T09:45:00.000-08:00

Whoa-oh, We're Half Way There

We are at the half way point in our pregnancy! To celebrate this huge milestone I have been singing Bon Jovi's Livin' On A Prayer as if it were my own personal anthem.

Chorus:

Whoa, were half way there

Whoa-oh, livin on a prayer

Take my hand and well make it - I swear

Whoa-oh, livin on a prayer

Sorry for geeking out. Sometimes I just can't help myself.

Ultrasound Update

We had another ultrasound this week. So far, so good. It has been amazing to see our baby grow from the cell stage to a little tadpole to a real baby. This week's ultrasound showed the baby's spine and ribs really clearly. In one of the pictures the baby looked like it was yawning. So cute.

Mr. Rodney Randall Dandle Sullivan AKA Sully

If I could describe Sully as a person, I would have to say that he's a mix between Joe Pesci and George Jefferson. He's a scrappy little guy with a lot of character who will have you pissing yourself laughing within moments of meeting him. He's terribly lovable and wants nothing more than to sleep next to a warm body while getting his butt rubbed.

Sully had his first session with a dog trainer yesterday and things went surprisingly well. YAY! Sully has some really bad habits that we need to break before the baby comes along. One of his favorite past times includes stealing remote controls, shoes, underpants, McDonald's cheeseburger wrappers, and then hiding them under the bed to either build himself a nest or a nuclear reactor. Sully also lovingly greets people by jumping on them and trying to cram his sausage-esque body into their laps while licking their face. Most people don't enjoy this as much as we do. He would also love to murder all people riding bicycles or using skateboards. He gets so stressed out when he spots one of the aforementioned items that he starts grunting and getting into a crouching crawl and then he barks and jumps maniacally at them. We try to avoid these situations as much as possible. And lastly, the worst and most pressing issue--he is difficult to walk on his leash. He pulls on his leash, barks at other dogs (especially chihuahuas) and probably doesn't get enough exercise because of this.

Peter (Sully's trainer) believes that Sully will respond really well to training. We have already seen a slight difference in walking him on the leash. I guess you can teach an old dog new tricks!

Boy Or Girl?

2008-11-09T13:26:00.000-08:00

We are at the point in our pregnancy where most people find out the sex of their baby. And it's going to be ......drumroll.......

A SURPRISE!!!!!!!

Yup, we're not going to be finding out the gender of our little one. It's exciting and frustrating at the same time. It's really exciting to picture the moment that I will be in the delivery room with M (our surrogate) and find out whether Million Rupee is a boy or girl. I also think that phone calls to our friends and family saying "it's a boy!" Or "it's a girl!" will be that much more special. It can also be really frustrating because everything seems to be geared towards one sex or the other. There aren't as many stylish gender-neutral clothing and bedding options as I had naively led myself to believe. Yesterday we went to Babies-R-Us for another research excursion. We have heard from many people that the Graco Snugride car seat is the safest and best car seat. While looking at it the car seat we asked the sales dude what color options there were other than pink or blue. He showed us this vomit colored alphabet soup-like option. Not my cup of tea...or soup.

*It should be noted somewhere in this post that even if we did want to know our baby's gender (we don't) we couldn't find out. It is illegal to find out the sex of your baby in India.

Baby Gear

2008-11-02T18:40:00.000-08:00

We have been scoping out baby gear in preparation for our gift registry. Over the past two weekends we have gone to Babies-R-Us, Tiny World, The Right Start, and Petit Tresor. To say we are overwhelmed by all of the gadgets and gizmos we have seen is an understatement. B, who has a bachelor's and master's degree from MIT in mechanical engineering couldn't operate half of the strollers that we looked at. I offered him little to no help. I actually wheeled a stroller that had its front brakes on around the store and thought it had a smooth ride. Then I got really frustrated that my iced tea wouldn't fit into the cup holder and almost broke the handle on the stroller. One stroller that we both liked is the Bugaboo Chameleon. It has a really smooth ride and converts into an old fashioned style pram. It's pretty cool; however, it is the Mercedes of strollers and costs a whopping $900. YIKES! For that price I would like it to have my baby's name diamond encrusted along the sides. Just sayin'. Do we need to spend that much on a stroller? No. Will our baby be any smarter because he or she has that stroller? No. Will we look cool struttin' around Los Angeles with our pimped out baby ride? YES! Is it worth the price tag? Maybe/maybe not.

Cribs are yet another item engineered to outsmart me. Each crib I looked at I shook vigorously to see how sturdy it was (apparently the sale staff doesn't like when you do this). Each time I did that, one side would rattle uncontrollably and I would move on to the next crib deeming the last one "unfit" for my baby. The sales staff politely scolded me and told me the reason that the cribs rattled was because of the drop sides, which make it easier to reach in and pick up your baby. Then, I couldn't figure out how to use the drop side bull shit! I spent a good 5 minutes looking for levers, buttons, a pulley, a pump, or a jack before I found out that using the dropside was much simpler than I was making it. In the end, I found a great modern style baby crib (that does not have a drop side) that we will be making room for in the next few months.

Our crib is pictured below. We'll be getting it in an all espresso finish.

How We Announced Our Pregnancy

2008-10-30T19:57:00.000-07:00

*Below is the e-mail that we sent to friends and family announcing our pregnancy. I got the idea (and borrowed some of the FAQs) from a post on www.surromomsonline.com
To the author of the original post, Thank you for the great idea :)

Friends and Family,

We have really wonderful news to share…we’re expecting a baby! Baby M------ will make his or her debut around late March/early April 2009!

Are you sitting down? Because this next piece of info may throw you for a loop….
I’m not pregnant, our surrogate is! And she lives in India!

We know that you may have questions so we put together a list of Baby M----- frequently asked questions.

Baby M----- FAQs

Q: Why are you using a surrogate?
A: Shortly after our wedding in July 2004, I was diagnosed with cervical cancer. My treatment went well and I had a hysterectomy with preservation of my ovaries in September 2004. Since I have my ovaries I can produce eggs; however, because I no longer have a uterus I can’t carry a baby. I’m sure you all feel better now that you know my medical history.

Q: How did you get your baby into your surrogate’s womb?
A: We went through a cycle of in vitro fertilization or IVF. The IVF process begins with the hyper-stimulation of a woman’s ovaries to produce more than one egg in a cycle. After her eggs are deemed “mature” by her doctor, the eggs are then surgically removed from her ovaries and placed in a petri dish with her husband’s sperm. While in the petri dish, the sperm fertilizes one or more of the eggs, thus creating embryo(s). The embryos continue to mature in the petri dish for a few days, after which time the doctor transfers them to the woman’s uterus. For us, the only difference was in the last step. Since I no longer have a uterus, the doctor put our embryos into our surrogate’s uterus. While I was taking my IVF meds our surrogate was also taking meds to prepare her uterus to carry our baby.

Q: Is the baby related to both of you, or to the surrogate, or…?
A: The baby is as much our genetic child as if we had conceived him or her the old-fashioned way. Our baby is just being carried in someone else’s womb for nine months.

Q: What is you surrogate like? Why would she want to do this?
A: M, our surrogate is very kind. She has three children, and the money that she receives she will use to send her sons to school. The amount of money that she is making is the equivalent to ten years salary! That is a life-changing amount of money.

Q: Have you thought about adoption?
A: Adoption is a very long and complex process. A lot of people think that there are tons of babies sitting around waiting for good homes, but this is simply not true. It is a long and difficult process. We wanted to try surrogacy first and then move to adoption if it didn’t work.

Q: Why India?
A: I never in my whole life thought that I would ever go to India, much less make a baby in India. B and I spent the greater part of 2007 researching surrogacy here in the United States. We found that it is an extremely bureaucratic and expensive process. We knew that as a young couple, saving for a home, and paying down student loans, that our dream of having a baby through surrogacy here in the US might not happen. Because of this we started to research other options. I read an article online about American couples going to India for fertility treatments and surrogacy because of the simplicity and cost-effectiveness compared to the process in the U.S. At first, I thought they were insane. Then a few weeks later I was reading Marie Claire magazine and came across another article about American couples going to India for fertility treatments and surrogacy. I couldn’t believe it. Then Oprah aired a segment about surrogacy in India. Seriously, Oprah is like god in our country. She wouldn’t have someone on her show that wasn’t legit, especially after the James Frey incident. We started e-mailing clinics in early November of 2007. We decided that Dr. Patel, the doctor who was featured in both Marie Claire magazine and on Oprah was the doctor that we wanted to treat us. We chose her because of her high success rate (44%), and her first-class treatment of the surrogate mothers. She puts the surrogates first and ensures that these women are making the choice on their own to become surrogates. She has all of the surrogates live in a house with a maid, cook, and 24-hour access to healthcare. She also ensures that the money that the surrogates earn is used wisely – either to start small businesses, to buy homes, or to educate their children. We were put on a waitlist (250-300 people long at the time) and remained in contact with Dr. Patel. In May 2008, we found out that she had chosen dates for us! We travelled to India for treatment July 1 and returned home to the US on July 17.

Q: What if your surrogate doesn’t want to give you the baby?
A: She signed a contract, so she has no legal claim to the baby. Also, the baby will be turned over to us immediately after the birth.

Q: Will your baby be a US citizen?
A: Yes, our baby will be a US citizen. After our baby is born we will have to go to the US Consulate in Mumbai to obtain a US Passport for our baby.

Also, if you would like to follow our journey from beginning to end check out our blog:
www.millionrupeebaby.blogspot.com

Kind regards,
T & B

I Will Be A Wonderful Mother - Author Unknown

2008-10-26T20:03:00.000-07:00

There are women who become mothers without effort,
without thought,
without patience or loss,
and though they are good mothers and love their children,
I know that I will be better.

I will be better not because of genetics or money or because I have read more books,
but because I have struggled and toiled for this child.

I have longed and waited.

I have cried and prayed.

I have endured and planned over and over again.

Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.

I will notice everything about my child.

I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore, and discover.

I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.

I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold, and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream.

My dream will be crying for me.

I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child.

Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love.

I will be a better mother for all that I have endured.

I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend, and sister because I have known pain.

I know disillusionment, as I have been betrayed by my own body. I have been tried by fire and hell that many never face, yet given time, I stood tall.

I have prevailed.

I have succeeded.

I have won.

So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort.

I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs.

I listen.

And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely.

I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth when life is beyond hard.

I have learned a compassion that only comes by walking in those shoes.

I have learned to appreciate life.

Yes, I will be a wonderful mother.
-Author Unknown

Thinking Ahead

2008-10-11T14:09:00.000-07:00

It's amazing to believe that this time last year we couldn't conceptualize being pregnant. Yet, here we are 15 weeks along in our pregnancy. Unbelievable.

Sometime in March we will be going back to India for the birth of our baby. Dr. Patel had mentioned when we were in India that parents who were there for the birth of their child would sometimes do a cycle to conceive another child. We found it intriguing but wanted to cross the hurdle of actually getting pregnant before we forged ahead for another baby.

On the one hand it would be convenient. We would already be there, and we would know what to expect. Also, the longer we wait, the older I get, which is not a great thing in terms of our chances of being successful again. On the other hand if we were successful on our second attempt, we would have to travel back to India with an infant to pick up our baby. Also, our babies would be traditional Irish twins, nine months apart. That could be a lot for us to handle. The thought of having one infant, nevermind two (or even three, as twins are not exactly rare with IVF), is daunting enough right now.

We briefly talked about trying for another baby when we go back to India this morning. We're both pretty torn. We're extremely grateful to have a baby on the way. We realize that we don't have the luxury of being spontaneous about having a second child, so I think we owe it to ourselves to at least consider this as a viable option. Who knows? Maybe we're just getting ahead of ourselves. What would you do? Let us know by answering our poll question.

Update

2008-10-09T10:46:00.000-07:00

We just received an ultrasound update from Dr. Patel. We could see our baby's head and feet pretty clearly. Everything looks great! The NT scan was normal (taken a few weeks ago) and the heartrate was 167 BPM! Woo-Hoo! Hooray!

Hooray!

2008-10-05T22:09:00.000-07:00

We are officially in the Second Trimester!

The Name Game: Part 2

2008-09-28T18:39:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite uncles is named Mickey. Mickey never had any children and treated me like I was his child. Mickey is my Dad's oldest brother, and after my father passed away Mickey and I would spend a lot of time together. He became a huge part of my life and I would spend every weekend with him. On Saturdays he would take me to see the ponies. My mother, ever so naive, truly believed that he was taking me to ride horses. In reality he was grooming me to become a gambler. He would take me to the racetrack and say "Trace, pick one for the trifecta." I loved it. I only picked horses that had girlie sounding names. After the racetrack he would buy scratch tickets and let me keep the money from the tickets that I scratched. When I became a teenager and thought that going to the racetrack with my Uncle Mickey was played out, I would stay in his house while he went to the track. During one of his track outings I uncovered what I thought was a mind blowing secret. I was going through Mickey's mail and realized that everything was addressed to Lawrence S-----, my brother. I immediately needed to know why my brother's mail was going to Mickey's house! I waited for Mickey to come home and asked him why he had my brother's mail. He told me that his name was also Lawrence S-----. I was all "uhmm, duh, your name is, like, Mickey (with tons of eye rolling)." He nearly fell out of his chair laughing. When he finally stopped laughing he told me the story of being one of the few Irish kids in a predominantly Italian neighborhood. All of the Italian kids in the neighborhood made fun of the Irish kids and called them Mic or Mickey.

I take away from this an important lesson. No matter how hard we try to pick a nickname-proof name for our child, kids can find a way to come up with a nickname for anyone. We should just not worry about it and pick a name that we like.

Stoopid FAQs

2008-09-27T10:38:00.000-07:00

Here are a few of the less intelligent questions that we have gotten from close friends and family members regarding our pregnancy via a surrogate in India.

Q. Are you going to feed baby Raj Indian food?
A. Maybe when our baby is older he or she will like Indian food. Also, you are a racist a$$hole.

Q. Will your baby be born with a dot on it's forehead?
A. Seriously? You may need to be checked out for brain rot.

Q. Did B have sex with M (our surrogate) to get her pregnant?
A. No. We did a cycle of IVF and then transferred our embryo to M.

Q. Aren't you glad that you won't have to gain weight and go through child birth?
A. This is probably the most hurtful question. For starters, I would rather gain 500lbs, lose a leg, and shave my head if it meant I could carry my own baby. I have already been through so much already (cancer, hysterectomy, IVF). Assuming that I would be happy to miss out on the experience of carrying my own child is, quite frankly, moronic.

Retail Therapy

2008-09-21T16:56:00.000-07:00

This morning B and I went lawn bowling with some friends, and then we all went out to brunch afterwards. On the way back to our cars we passed a baby boutique. My feminine instinct to shop kicked in, and I immediately needed to be in that store. The group we were with doesn't know about our "situation," so I couldn't invite them all on our shopping excursion. I told B about the store, and he said that we could wait in the car a few minutes and then go in after the other couple had left!! I couldn't believe my ears. I thought I was hallucinating. B, who despises shopping in any form, wanted to go into a baby boutique?! We said our goodbyes and then waited in the car for them to leave. I felt like we were on a covert operation. A few minutes after they all left we snuck out of our car and then briskly walked into the baby boutique.

I couldn't believe that I was happily walking into a baby store. This time last year I was invited to a baby shower. I remember going to buy the baby shower gift and then crying my eyes out immediately afterwards. It was one of those uncontrollable sobs where you can't catch your breath. I dried my eyes with the pretty tissue paper that they had just wrapped the gift with, and then I wished that their baby would have colic. I know, I know, wishing that on anyone is F'ed up, but it made me feel better at the time. I really wish that at that very low point I could have seen a year into the future and known that it would be OK. So here I am now on a united front with my best partner in crime walking into a baby boutique to buy something for our Million Rupee Baby. To say that we were overwhelmed or out of our element would be a serious understatement. I can only speak for me when I say this, but I was sweating like a whore in church.

Our visit was quick and productive. We were in and out in five minutes with only $19.95 in damages. We bought Million Rupee Baby his or her first stuffed animal -- an elephant (of course we'll assume it's an Indian elephant).

Groupies

2008-09-19T16:05:00.000-07:00

B's mom has been a big fan of our blog. She loved that we were writing daily from India and said that "it was like I was having a conversation with you. I felt like I was right there." Every time we had an update she would call my mom or my sister-in-law, Susan, to talk to them about the latest goings on (it is still a big secret in our families until after the first trimester). The three of them were a great support system for one another. When we e-mailed B's mom from the airport in India to tell her we were on our way home she immediately went to Susan's work to tell her we were on our way home and had transferred three blastocysts to our surrogate.

When we found out that we were pregnant B's mom was elated. She asked me days later "if my feet had hit the ground yet." I'm going to assume that hers still haven't. I felt really bad that she still hadn't confided in her sisters or friends about what we had been going through, but I understand. She was being a good mother -- protective, and realistic about the future. We talked about when and how B and I would break the news to the rest of our friends and family. She told me that it was our news to tell, not hers, and that she wasn't telling anyone without our approval.

Every year B's mom and her sisters go on a vacation together. Over the past few years they have travelled to Ireland (twice), New Orleans, Philadelphia and Chicago. This year they are on a cruise in Alaska. Tonight is the last night of her cruise with her sisters. Before they go to dinner tonight they will be having drinks at the bar, and B's mom will be making a toast to "the health and happiness of my future grandchild".

To our newest groupies E and A, welcome!

Public Service Announcement

2008-09-13T10:54:00.000-07:00

People (nosy people) are always asking me when I am going to have a baby. Friends, strangers, my nail lady, co-workers, the lady at Jamba Juice, and even my spam e-mail ("Tracy, beat her womb with your hot rod" - yes, this was an actual email I received). Frankly, it is a personal matter.

Here are a few of my favorite responses to "when are you going to have a baby":
1. When was the last time you had a yeast infection? This is my favorite reply. The answer is always the same...That's personal. Really? Because my reproductive life isn't?
2. What's your situation down there? Do you shave or wax?
3. How much money do you have in the bank?
4. Why don't you go f**k yourself?

I used to wonder if I told people the truth if they would back off and never ask again? The answer is no. I have done this and people will ask a new question "why don't you just adopt?"
First, the public should know that adoption is not as simple as they might think. Second, while I am certainly a proponent of adoption, when people ask "why don't you just adopt" it sounds to me like they are trivializing all that we have been through.

Asking a couple when they will procreate is a very intimate and personal question. Just don't do it.

Progress Report

2008-09-04T00:40:00.000-07:00

We heard from Dr. Patel. Our surrogate is "doing fine". We should have another scan in a few weeks. YAY!

The Name Game: Part 1

2008-09-01T20:00:00.000-07:00

My parents could possibly go down as the worst at the name game....EVER. My mother had decided long before she had me that if she ever had a daughter that she would name her Starsha. Eeeww! It sounds like a stripper name. "And next up to the stage is Starsha." Her back up name wasn't much better. Anastasia. Say what? Anastasia. That's right, another stripper name (unbelievably, my mother has never taken drugs, nor was she a hippie). My father was just as bad. He obviously found his inspiration in geography. He was really fond of the names Dakota and China. Hmmm. The only name that they could mutually agree on was Stacy. The name Stacy is a perfectly fine name; however, when you pair Stacy with my former last name, it was what you would call an atrocious combo. It would have been the equivalent to being named Matthew Matthison. Painful. Thankfully, my grandmother was with my parents when I was born and saved me from what I believe would have been a life of name torture. She said to my parents "what in Christ's name is wrong with you? She's going to hate you if you name her Stacy. Why don't you name her Tracy?" Thanks for being there, Nana.

Back To School

2008-08-30T12:01:00.000-07:00

I am taking a few classes at Intended Parents University! That's right, I am home schooling myself on all things baby related through the power of the internet. Below are a few of the "classes" that I have selected.

Assisted Reproductive Technologies And The Developing Fetus: This is a 40 week course with an emphasis on secondary research on embryonic/fetal development from conception to birth. There is a mandatory field study component to this course, requiring travel to India. Travel expenses are not included in tuition costs.

Baby Care 101: This is an elective course offered for both Mom and Dad and covers infant basics such as feeding, diapering, cord care, soothing and comforting, infant CPR, baby proofing, baby gear and equipment, installing infant car seats, introducing your pet to your new infant, international travel with a newborn, and new parent survival tips. This course includes a unit that will be taught in a clinical setting.

Induced Lactation: This course focuses on hormonal manipulation in conjunction with mechanical stimulation to produce breast milk. Not all students will receive credit for this course.

*There is a mandatory work study in reproductive public relations required for all students. The work study will focus on announcing the upcoming birth of the child with an emphasis on properly educating the public on gestational surrogacy in a developing country. To be completed the week of September 27- October 4.

Joy And Pain

2008-08-20T00:52:00.000-07:00

We got the results from our first ultrasound. It showed two sacs...but sadly one is empty:(

I don't know how I am supposed to feel about this. I feel really sad for the twin that stopped growing, and really excited for the baby that is still growing. It is the most awkward mix of feelings. It really is joy and pain.

Our baby that is still growing has a great heart rate of 146 BPM and is scheduled to make his or her debut to the world on April 5, 2009!

Dr. Patel

2008-08-15T19:53:00.000-07:00

We thought we would share with you a link to the Marie Claire magazine article that first exposed us to Dr. Patel's clinic, as well as a video clip from the Oprah episode that helped to solidify our decision to seek help from Dr. Patel. Enjoy!

All You Need To Know About Parenthood

2008-08-11T12:15:00.000-07:00

This weekend I bought the book What To Expect When You're Expecting. While shopping for the book B and I had an awkward encounter with some teenage girls. The girls were just sitting in front of the pregnancy section talking about their "cycles" and what sorts of "sanitary products" they use. It was hilarious! The conversation went like this: "do you wear, like, pads or tampons?" Teenage girl #2 chimes in with "I always were tampons, except for when I am, like, sleeping I like to wear pads." Poor B, stuck in the women's health section, buying a book on pregnancy, and hearing teenage girls with braces talk at great length about their menses. I'm sure he felt emasculated by the situation. Back to buying the book. I felt like I was buying porn. It seemed like everyone in the bookstore knew my dirty little secret...I am not expecting. For a brief moment, I thought the woman at the check out counter was going to ask me for a positive pregnancy test to confirm that I could buy this book.

I feel like I am in pregnancy limbo. Pregnant, but not really pregnant. It's hard to explain how I feel, and I can only assume that it is going to get harder. I read some of the book but I couldn't really relate. There should be a book like this for adoptive and intended parents. I want to know what M is going through and how our baby is growing, but I also want to know that some of my feelings and fears, as crazy as they may seem at times, are normal. The biggest fear that I have is: will I be a good mom if I miss out on the something growing inside of me part? I feel like a woman who is pregnant has a head start to the motherhood mentality.

Yesterday we had a relaxing day at the beach. It was one of the first days since finding out that M was expecting that we both could sit around and reflect on our good fortune. While I was discreetly reading my pregnancy porn, I noticed the family in front of us. They had a beach tent, a blanket, a cooler, tons of beach toys, and beach chairs. I tried to picture how they lugged all of this merch onto the beach with rowdy toddlers. I tried to imagine us doing this in a few years and my panic button went into overdrive. One of the kids decided that the beach tent was his fort. When his dad came by the tent, the little boy decided to pull the pitches out of the sand, and roll himself up like a burrito. The father patiently unwrapped his burrito boy, and brought him to the water to play with the other children. I was moved by the dad's patience. Burrito boy decided that the water wasn't for him and flopped around in the sand breading himself like a chicken cutlet. Burrito boy's parents were rational and patient throughout the shenanigans. They never once raised their voices, and they weren't overwhelmed with the unpleasant task of packing up their camp and navigating their way to the car (this task made me want to hyperventilate, and I was just a spectator) with burrito boy and company.

Watching burrito boy and his family made me realize that I am not going to learn to be a good parent from a book; that can only come from experience. Even still, I am going to do my best to mentally prepare myself for parenthood. Does anyone need a babysitter?

Play Like A Champion Today

2008-08-03T12:16:00.000-07:00

We are still pinching ourselves to see if this dream is a reality. I can't believe how lucky we are! We got our second Beta results from Dr. Patel (5114- 16dp5dt). This is great news! Tonight we are going to call Dr. Patel to figure out some payment logistics and to see when our first ultrasound is. I am super excited for the first ultrasound! I would love to go back to India, to be with M (our surrogate) to hear the heartbeat.

M has given up so much of her life to help us create a family. She will be living in the surrogate house until the birth. The surrogate house has a maid, a cook, and round the clock medical attention. M's family lives nearby, and they can visit at anytime during the day. M lives with her parents and her three sons. Her parents will care for her older sons while she is in the surrogate house, and her youngest (2 years old) can stay with her in the surrogate house. M became a surrogate so she could pay for her sons' education. She found out about Dr. Patel's surrogacy program through her sister, who had been a surrogate. M first tried surrogacy with another couple under Dr. Patel's care, but sadly, it didn't work out. I am happy for M that things so far are working out well this time. How do you thank someone for a gift as great as the one she is giving us? I will be thinking of this for the next eight months...well, actually, for the rest of my life.

Now that we have cleared the"are we pregnant?" hurdle, we are facing a new set of issues. We are in the critical phase of the first trimester. While it is comforting to know that M has access to 24 hour medical care, it is hard to not physically be there with her. I am a very empathetic person by nature, so I worry for M and hope that our pregnancy doesn't cause her much discomfort, sickness, or pain. I hope that it is as easy as it can possibly be for her.

Anyone pursuing surrogacy should know that it is the ultimate team effort.

M is the captain - the glue (literally) that holds us all together
I am the quarterback - in charge of distributing the ball (or eggs, if you will)
B is on special teams - usually on the sidelines, but an indispensible part of the team
Dr. Patel is the coach - writing the play book and leading us all to victory

We have learned to trust in and have created a lifelong bond with our new teammates. Although we all have different tasks we all share the same goal.

+

2008-07-30T01:06:00.000-07:00

Guess who's surrogate is pregnant? Ours! We are having a baby! I can't believe it. I really, really, really can't believe it. I think I am still in shock. Our surrogate's Beta number is 2049 (14dp 5dt). From what I understand that is pretty solid.

B and I are completely elated. I feel dazed. I can't believe we jumped over this big hurdle and landed on our feet! I am so happy that this worked not only for us but also for our surrogate. I hope that our surrogate has a healthy, easy, and uneventful pregnancy.

I just wanted to thank everyone who has supported us through out this journey. Your kind words, thoughts, and gestures helped us through really difficult times. We are so lucky to have you all as our friends and family. Thanks a million!

Rock My World

2008-07-29T12:06:00.000-07:00

I just experienced my first earthquake! It was 5.4 magnitude. I was just sitting with my dog when everything started shaking, and then all of the pictures started swaying. It was pretty scary. B called in from his office to say that his building was swaying back and forth. Scary!

Are We There Yet?

2008-07-27T17:18:00.000-07:00

The waiting has been the worst part of the entire process. I have thought of every possible thing that could go wrong. I have thought about crazy shit, like teenage pregnancy and that maybe it's not such a bad idea. I have thought about how fertile drug-addicted prostitutes can be and questioned my career and life choices. I have gone back and forth with my thoughts on asking a woman in prison to carry our baby. This is the most surprising argument that I have had with myself! I have actually rationalized that a woman in prison gets access to health care, in a controlled environment, while getting a well-balanced diet. They are in a disciplined environment that might actually benefit the fetus. Think about this - what would lockdown mean to my child? I bet our child would always go to bed on time! Also, we would never have to send our kid to one of those "Scared Straight" programs. It would also make a great essay topic for future college or reality TV show applications. Just imagine reading an essay titled "I Was Born in Prison." Seriously, this is where my tortured mind wonders off to when left to its own devices.

We are still anxiously waiting to hear from Dr. Patel about whether our surrogate is preggers or not. It has been an excruciatingly long wait. I can't help but torture my mind. One second I am thinking of baby names and the next I am looking at fertilty clinics. It is making me feel bipolar.

We have hatched a Plan B. We would probably go to India again, but next time, we would start our treatment here in the States. It sucks to have to think like this, but it would suck even more to get the bad news and not have anything to move forward to.

Waiting

2008-07-19T08:01:00.000-07:00

So where did we leave off? Oh yeah, "The Transfer."

Transfer Day- We said good bye to our BFF/ B's dad's doppelganger, Hershrane. Then I went to have the letter I wrote our surrogate translated into Gujarati. As we were getting a rickshaw, I almost (we're talking centimeters) got shat on by a bird. I'll take that as a sign of good luck. We got to the hospital, I took some pictures with the nurses, and then we waited for Dr. Patel to take us to to see the embryologist. And we waited. And then we waited some more. Every time the door opened we would JUMP out of our seats, only to be disappointed by a nurse leaving something on Dr. Hitesh's desk. There were a few times that someone would be on the other side of the door, turn the knob as if they were coming in, and then walk away. Have you ever watched a door knob turn and had your heart race? I felt like Jamie Lee Curtis in Halloween. We waited like this for about two hours. Finally, Hansa (my favorite nurse) came in to get us. We went upstairs to yet another waiting area except this waiting area had other couples waiting for transfer. I was all "WTF? Who are these people? Why weren't they here the whole time with with us?" It seems they were all second rounders that did their IVF cycles back home (Bangladesh, UK, Bay Area) and came to Dr. Patel for retrieval and transfer. We were instructed to put on surgical masks and hair nets, which, by the way, is a really great look. Then B and I were called in to see our five remaining embryos. Dr. Patel pointed out the three best and said that those were the ones that she would be transferring. Two of them were excellent quality, and one of them was good quality! B was so overjoyed he almost hugged a "scrubbed in" Dr. Patel. Then B went back to the waiting area, and I went into the O.R. for the transfer. I held our surrogate's hand as the nurses prepped her for the transfer. I watched her as she prayed and couldn't help but think how much she must want this to work. We both continued to pray as they did the transfer. After Dr. Patel finished the transfer, I kissed our surrogate and thanked her at the very least 5,000 times. I went out to see B and we hugged. It's the same kind of hug Rocky gave Adrian after he beat Apollo Creed. Completely exhausted, emotionally wrecked and deliriously happy - that's how I will forever remember feeling at that moment.

Believe it or not, we had to wait some more after that - this time to pay for our treatment. While we were waiting we met a Jamaican woman from NYC who's surrogate is pregnant with her child. We found out that she had undergone 14 failed IVF treatments and she finally found success with Dr. Patel and a surrogate. She decided that after trying for so many years for a baby that she didn't want to miss out on one bit of her surrogate's pregnancy. She has moved from NYC to Anand, India to be there for every moment. Truly amazing! Finally, after we wrapped everything up with Dr. Patel, we started our long journey home (31 hours door to door).

We have been home for a few days now. We had Chipotle as our first meal back, and then I had McDonald's breakfast the next morning!

After a three week hiatus, B went back to work yesterday where he found a congratulatory "It's a Boy" cigar on his desk. It seems someone he works with had a baby. I hope it's a sign!

We are back to another cliffhanger, except this one will be much longer...about 11 days longer. I'm sure the time will pass about as quickly as it did when Meadow was parallel parking in The Soprano's series finale.

Transfer Day!

2008-07-15T20:48:00.000-07:00

Last night I couldn't sleep at all. I had this dream that B and I were in the lab with the embryologist and he was showing us the DNA of Ted Bundy and Ted Kaczynski. He said that our embryos carried that type of DNA and we shouldn't bring a child into the world. Can you say nightmare!

I stayed up the rest of the night thinking of how today would be. I hope that the embryologist explains (or dumbs it down for me) everything in full detail. I hope that our surrogate's uterus is a welcoming environment for our blastocysts and that the blastocysts are coated with glue (non-harmful and environmentally safe) before the transfer. I also hope that Dr. Patel is playing the Rocky soundtrack from movies I-IV just for motivation. I think that "Feeling Strong Now" or "Eye Of The Tiger" would do.

We probably won't be updating the blog tomorrow as we will be travelling home. It is like the ultimate cliffhanger. Sort of like not knowing if Tony got taken out on the final episode of The Sopranos. You are all going to wonder how many did they transfer? Did T pass out? What was their first meal back? When will they find out if their surrogate is pregnant? Oh, I actually know the answer to that one. We find out on our wedding anniversary, July 31. Wish us luck!

Potpourri

2008-07-15T03:52:00.000-07:00

We have so many things to address, so this post is going to be like verbal diarrhea or, if you prefer, a potpourri of topics.

1. Feeling Better and Keeping It Together:
I am feeling about 85% today, which is way up from the last few days. I honestly felt better after having my hysterectomy, although I'm sure it was the pain meds that helped then. They didn't give me anything for the pain this time. I was on something like 5 different other meds, so I'm not sure how they could have been effective. Also, I haven't been able to eat since Saturday morning. Last night was the first meal that I was able to "hold onto".

2. Our Laundry REEKS!
We had our laundry done by the hotel twice while we were here. The first time it smelled fine. This past time it smelled like a dirty jock strap. F'ing disgusting. In my "can't hold onto any food state" I made B stay far away from me because of his shirts' aroma. He too is so disgusted by it that he has been wearing fragranced lotion on his upper lip.

3. We Are Making Friends:
A few more (talkative) couples have arrived. It has been really lonely here, and seeing other people that want to socialize is like being freed from solitary confinement! We all chatted in Dr. Hitesh's office yesterday and today. Then B and I went to Cafe Coffee Day (think Starbucks with Britney Spears music), and we met up with another couple from Germany. They are both surgeons and this is their second time here.

4. Ganesha:
Ganesha is one of the main Hindu gods. Today we figured out that he is a god of new beginnings and remover of obstacles. We found it to be interesting and appropriate that we are here in India to remove the obstacles that we have been facing and, in doing so, to start a new beginning in our lives.

5. Transfer Day:
Tomorrow at 12:30 PM we are doing our transfer. We are both ecstatic that we have made it to this point! Dr. Patel will hopefully be transferring 3 blastocysts (as of today we have 5 left) to our surrogate. I brought her a gift bag filled with lotion, nail polish, lip gloss, some earrings, chocolates and money. I have also written her a letter that we will have someone translate for us. We get to go in the lab to see the embryos beforehand, and then I will be allowed to be there with our surrogate as they transfer a part of our life to her. It is so emotional for me just to write this that I can't possibly imagine how emotional tomorrow will be. I hope that we will have luck and God (and Ganesha) on our side!

Golden Arches

2008-07-14T05:22:00.000-07:00

I am still feeling really awful. I can't wait to get home and eat meat. I have been planning my first meal back (which is common for most prisoners and hostages), and it is either going to be McDonalds or Chipotle. I am a big fan of the #2 value meal (2 cheeseburgers, fries, and a Coke) at McDonalds, but I think this homecoming deserves more. Perhaps I will stick with the #2 and then add some McNuggets to the mix, followed by a hot fudge sundae chaser. I might even put the McNuggets on my burger. If I go with Chipotle (no coincidence that used to be owned by McDonalds) I will get the barbacoa tacos, chips and guacamole, and an extra taco just to treat my body right. The only curveball is if we get in before10:30 AM (and there is a McDonalds in the terminal). That would be a dream come true! I would totally get 2 Egg McMuffins and 2 hashbrowns with an OJ. I actually like to put the hashbrown on my McMuffin. It really surprises me that I am not 400lbs. I am so over mango juice, curry, naan, rice and anything spicy. I just want the tastes and comfort of home, which for me is McDonalds. USA! USA! USA!

Retrieval Update

2008-07-13T03:18:00.000-07:00

Dr. Patel got 15 eggs yesterday, of which 12 are "excellent" quality. I am still pretty sore, but my mobility has greatly improved since yesterday. B has been an angel. He has been taking very, very good care of me. Tomorrow we will find out how many fertilized and which day they are going to transfer the embryos to our surrogate.

Retrieval Day

2008-07-11T21:37:00.000-07:00

Hooray! Hooray! Today is retrieval day! Let's hope that we make some kick ass embryos!

We're In The Home Stretch

2008-07-11T01:30:00.000-07:00

Dr. Patel came back from London yesterday. Honestly, I was so happy to see her I could have piddled. I felt like Sully, our dog, who is so thrilled to see us every time we walk thru the door that he can't stop panting and wagging his butt. She gave me an ultrasound which showed 24 eggs! That's a great number, but it seems like I have OHSS - not cool. I am taking some meds to reduce the effects of OHSS. I have tons of gatorade, protein bars, and salty snacks to help with the bloating. One of the best things to come out of this is that Dr. Patel wants to fertilize half of the eggs using ICSI and the other half using IVF. She also wants to do a 5 day Blastocyst transfer of 2 or 3 embryos. This morning at 6:00 AM Hansa (my favorite nurse) came to our room to give me my very last shot, the trigger. Tomorrow afternoon at 4:00 PM, I will have my retrieval. Please keep your fingers crossed for us.

Bizarro World

2008-07-10T02:44:00.000-07:00

Do you remember that Seinfeld episode where Elaine meets Bizarro Jerry and everything is exactly the opposite of real Jerry? That is kind of what my life seems like here in India. Back home in Southern California the extreme weather is wild fires, and in India the extreme weather is monsoon season. The place where we spend the most time here is the hotel restaurant that happens to be vegetarian. The place that I spend the most time at back home is work, which happens to be a steakhouse. The restaurant here does not employ female waitstaff, while the restaurant I work at employs mostly female waitstaff. Gujarat is a "dry" state, wheras back home I am surrounded by alcohol (I am a bartender...not a drunk).

As Bizarro Superman might say, me am craving meat!

Starting to Go Bananas

2008-07-09T05:23:00.000-07:00

Ggggrrr. I thought that I was supposed to have another ultrasound today but instead I got my meds and then all of the important information that I needed. Why do they mess with my mind like this? The way I would have liked for it to happen would have been for us to walk into Dr. Hitesh's office with him actually being there, and then for him to tell us that he spoke to Dr. Patel who thinks I need one more day of meds. The way it actually happened was we walked into Dr. Hitesh's office, he wasn't there, the nurse started to give me my meds, I said "No way, Jose." I then asked her if I was supposed to have an ultrasound and then my trigger later, and she said "no, you ultrasound tomorrow," I got my shots and then wanted to throw a chair at someone. I later found out from Dr. Hitesh that Dr. Patel would perform my ultraround tomorrow. That's fine, but it would have been nice to know that in advance. Someone could have gotten hurt by that chair that I was about to throw.

Speaking of throwing things, we saw a few monkeys today during our day trip to Vadodara. For those who aren't trained in zoology, monkeys are a furry species that like to throw their own feces at people. We captured some footage of a monkey with its baby; luckily we were not hit with any flying poo.

Speaking of monkeys, while we were in Hong Kong, we had a reflexology treatment. The woman treating B told him that he was furry "like monkey."

Feeling Better...Until My Next Hormone-Induced Rant

2008-07-08T05:42:00.000-07:00

I feel much better today. We went in a bit early today to speak with Dr. Hitesh (Dr. Patel's husband). He had a nurse lead us on a tour of one of the surrogate mothers apartments. There were about 15 pregnant women there; most were either nine months pregnant or had just had a transfer. About 1/3 were pregnant with twins. This apartment is on the third floor of the hospital building and is reserved for high risk, just transferred, and late term pregnancies. There is another house with about 20 more surrogates off campus. After the tour he patiently answered all of my questions. The drug that was just added to me regimen was not bleach as I had assumed, but is instead Luveris. Luveris works as an enhancer with Gonal F. I will, in fact, have another ultrasound tomorrow, possibly followed by my trigger shot later that evening. I will also have another ultrasound on Thursday when Dr. Patel comes back, so she can see "what's up." He also said that ideally they transfer nothing smaller 18-20mm. I am right on target for where I need to be. I also asked him if there were any eggs smaller than 10mm yesterday, and he said that it was "irrelevant". I feel much better knowing more info and I have come to terms with the fact that I may only have nine eggs come retrieval. After all, it only takes one!

How Would You Like Your Eggs?

2008-07-07T20:38:00.000-07:00

Eggs. It seems that my thoughts and belly are consumed with them. I had my day 5 ultrasound yesterday. It showed 4 eggs in my left ovary measuring 11mm and 5 eggs in my right ovary measuring between 10 and 11mm. It's great that all of my eggs are measuring similiar in size, and that I am responding to the stimulation, but I had grand delusions that I would be like mother hen and would produce tons of eggs. I feel like it is the only thing I can do since I can't carry a child and have a vast amount of space in my "girl parts" since my uterus and cervix have been taken from me. Yesterday, after the ultrasound, I felt discourged by my number. You know when you have worked really hard on a project for school and you get a B- and you just berate yourself? That is how I felt. I felt like I deserved an A for all that I have been through already. It doesn't mean that I won't get an A in the end, it just makes me feel more grounded, I guess.

I am a little bit annoyed with Dr. Patel and her staff. Dr. Patel had a speaking arrangement in London this past Saturday and has yet to return. When you travel half way across the world to be treated by a "specific" doctor, you want to be treated by that doctor and not anyone else. When I ask when Dr. Patel will return it is either July 10th or July 12th depending on who you ask. I have been told that she will be here for my retrieval which may be bumped up to July 11th. I don't know how that is possible unless she is in London cloning herself.

On a post-related side note that I am sure everyone wants to hear, I have also been eating eggs everyday as my daily source of protein.